My Mudder Is Sick

My Mudder IS Sick
Haiti Family Initiative Wellness Program
Jacmel, Haitit
July 2013


"OK madame, he says to me, 

"my mudder is sick. OK, you see her today?"


It is hot and it is only 930AM. Our 30 allotted cards, entrance tickets to the medical clinic, have already been distributed. These lucky 30 people will wait for hours in the sun. But that doesnt matter to them. They have the time. As a matter of fact, time is the only commodity they have. 

Our gatekeeper approaches me and asks if his mother can still get in even though she came too late to get a ticket. It is so hard to be fair in this country. I have to tell him the truth; we may not even get to see all of these 30 people today. The mayor has asked us to go to a mountain village to treat some people. He owes someone a favor and we need his support to keep our program going. So we will go to the mountains at noon. But the gatekeeper's mother is right in front of me. Her glassy eyes tell me she is sick. But so are the other 30 people in front of her. 

"Send her home for today. Dont let her sit in this sun," I tell him. 

I promise him the first ticket for tomorrow.

 "OK,OK", he says to me. 

He holds her chin in his calloused hand and speaks quietly to her. She nods and leaves. As the first patient of the day surrenders her #1 ticket, I give it to the gatekeeper. He gently slides the ticket in to his pants pocket, delighted that he has secured a doctor's visit for his mother. 

"God bless you madame, God bless you."

The Great Sand Dunes National Park

The Great Sand Dunes National Park
Colorado
July 2017


I have wanted to visited this place fro a number of years and I finally made it.  My intention was to hike up to the lowest dune and maybe roll down (either voluntarily because I wanted to or involuntarily because i feel and couldn't stop myself). But I never got that far.

As we entered the dunes, we had to cross a small creek.  I rolled up the bottom of my jeans and walked across with my sandals still on my feet.  The water was warm and that little bit of heart felt good on my feet.

As we walked closer and closer to the dunes, my feet began to burn.  We had been warned that the sand could get as hot as 140F but that warning didn't register until this moment when the sand got stuck between my toes.  It quickly became to o hot to walk.  So, after 1,000 steps, we turned around and headed back to a cooler surface.  But unfortunately, the sand seemed to get hotter and hotter with every step we took.  By the time we got back the the small creek, the water seemed cold to me and it was a relief to just stand there for a moment. We left shortly thereafter.

This is unfinished business for me.  I must come back, with socks and sturdy shoes, and climb one of the dunes, even if it is one of the smallest dunes.

We Just Cant Say "I Don't Know"

We Just Can't Say "I Don't Know"
It's Genetic
July 4, 2017
Philadelphia, PA

I met up with my sister and her husband to go to see the fireworks.  We walked along Columbus Avenue and found a spot where others had gathers so we assumed this must be a good viewing spot.  We had never been to these fireworks before so we really weren't sure but a crowd had formed so this must be a good place.

As we settle in, the women to my right ask me if they are at a good spot to watch the fireworks.  I assure them that they have the best view available.  They are so pleased with my statement and I am so happy that they are happy.  But then I think to myself, "What make you so sure this is a good spot.  You've never been there and there is a 20 story building to your right.  What if the fireworks shoot over to the right  Then we are in the worse spot."   I keep this thought to myself.

Then I hear someone speak to my sister.  He tells her he is with his family and they hope they picked a good spot.  "Do you think we are at a good spot,?" he asked her. Unflinching, Sharon informs him with  the voice of authority, "You have picked the best spot to watch the fireworks.  We are going to have the best view."  I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She had never been to these fireworks before.  How did she know?

Then it dawned on me. We must have a genetic disposition that does not allow us to say, "I don't know."  We just can't say it, no matter what.

Philadelphia, PA

Chinese Elementary Schools

Chinese Elementary Schools
Rural China
April 2012

I thought my days in a Catholic, urban elementary school were tough. We were bare-bones with tough, no nonsense teachers.  But my experience pales next to schools in China. When the principal of this school found out I was in town, he ran home and put on his military uniform to greet me.  There are no books, very little paper and a blackboard that is dysfunctional.  There is no heat and poor ventilation. So it is cold in the winter and hot in the summer.  The students sit on these uncomfortable benches for hours at a time.  They go home for lunch and come back until late afternoon.  In the winter they go home when the sun goes down.

Up until about 10 years ago, mandatory education stopped after the fifth grade.  Now, every child must go to school until the completion of 8th grade. Within this graduating class, one or two will go on to high school.  The rest will stay locally and work on the farms.

To read more stories, check out:   bkmemoirs.blogspot.com

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The Homeless Shelter in GA

The Homeless Office
Atlanta, GA
March 2017

I spend the morning with my cousin who does intake interviews at an agency for homeless people.  The place is packed with people and despair. I sit and listen as she assess their needs.

Mr. White- "I come in from Detroit just last night and I'm telling you, this city is so friendly.  Everyone's been nice to me, not like in Detroit.  They just want to get rid of you."

Mrs. Green- "I come here today to get me some clothes for my family. my niece and her boyfriend have a little baby and she needs some things.  So I told them I'd get them things on account of me living with them and everything".

"What is the boyfriend's name?", my cousin asks.

"I'm really not sure.  I don't know his name.  But he the father of her child."

Billy- "it's my own fault that I'm here. I do stuff and it aint good and it's my fault. I drink a little and I try to stop but I come home from work and gets me a beer and then another and another and then my paycheck is all gone. See what I'm saying".

Aja- "They prey on you when you live on the streets, P-R-E-Y, you know what I mean when I say prey.  But I ain't no whore.  OK, sometimes I get all uppity for a snicker's bar and I'm hungry so I take what doesn't belong to me.  But I don't do none of that other illegal shit.  You know what I mean."

The Beer Exchange Parties

The Beer Exchange Parties

@ Deb's House

Sometime after Christmas

This is my favorite party of the year.  We come together and try different beers and compare tastes and I get to leave with more than anyone because I am the only one who likes the porters, stout, IPAs and other heavy beers.  It's a great evening.

The Principal's Award

The Principal's  Awards
1993-2007
Stroudsburg and Springfield High School


I wish I had kept a better list of the students who earned this award.  It was my award and I gave it to a senior each year at graduation. I picked a kid who stood out to me for one reason or another and who taught me a lesson.  Here is what I remember:

Sara Kolb- she broke her leg on the hockey field and came back to school in a cast from her hip to the toes.  It was an effort to walk and she never missed a day.  And she never missed a practice or a game.  She never quit the team after this accident even though everyone would have passed no judgment on her.  She got beaten up.  But she stood there in the cold and the rain and the long nights as her team finished the season.  She cheered them on and encouraged them and stayed focused on their mission.  Her  commitment to her team was commendable.

Mike Cassidy- it was a Monday morning and I got out of my car and complained and complained and complained to myself that I had to go to school today.  Of course, I had to go to school today, I'm the damn principal.  I can't expect everyone else to come to school and I stay home because I have a bad attitude. As I am ascending the steps and dragging my ass, I see Mike.  He just greeted one of our kids with Downs Syndrome.  In his nicest voice, he said, "Hey Raphael, how you doing man?  How is your woodworking project coming along?  Need any help?  I can lend you a hand if you need one?" His kindest stopped me in my cranky tracks and for a fleeting moment I thought to myself, "I'm glad to be here to have heard that interaction."

Joe Ferrell- Joe's father died suddenly in September. He struggled with this big loss and one of his teachers minimized this loss.  Joe and I talked about it.  He didn't want to malign the teacher but he didn't excuse this behavior either.  A few months later, my dad died and when he did, I called Joe because I knew he would understand what I was going through.

Laura Eilberger- OMG, this kid was so damn positive.  She always had a kind word for everyone.  She greeted everyone and just showed a genuine interest in everyone.  What a gift!!

Ted Kelly- We had an asshole who was pulling the fire alarm during lunch period on a regular basis and kids were missing their lunches.  I asked if anyone had any information and Ted came forward.  The kid was prosecuted and a court date was set.  The cops wanted Ted to testify and I was hesitant as this could cause him problems back at school.  But Ted didn't flinch.  He stood up to the kid who was terrorizing our school.

Juan ?- This boy enrolled in our school in September of his sophomore year  He didn't speak a word of English. By October, I had been called in a meeting with his mother, his teachers and him.  There were some problems with his academics and his behaviors.  "I hate English", he cried out to us and my heart broke for him.  Two years later, he mastered the language, excelled  in school and was accepted to Lehigh University to study engineering.

One Day; Five Breweries

One Day: Five Breweries
June 6, 2017
Philadelphia, PA

OMG, I am getting too old for these kind of days. My friend, Jen, texted me and announced, "Hey, I'm off all this week.  Let's get together." After a few back and forth texts, she wrote, "You decide what we are doing. You're in charge."

Damn, that is a dangerous position to give me. So I decided it was going to be a beer day.  My goal was three breweries but really, I thought that was too ambitious.  But I was wrong. After ten hours, we hit five places:

• 2nd Story Brewery
• Yard's Brewery
• St. Benjamin's Brewery
• Evil Genius Brewery
• Dock Street Brewery

As I dropped Jen off at her car, she thanked me for a nice day and I commented on this ridiculous record we just set.  "Do you think we could ever beat it," I asked.

"Let's not even try.  Let's just leave it as our record.  That's good enough."

To read more stories, check out:   bkmemoirs.blogspot.com

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My New Digs

My New Digs
Chestnut Square
West Chester, PA
June 2017


I moved in to a luxury apartment building after living in a house for 30 years.  It's an adjustment, not because of the new, limited space but because it has so many perks and amenities that I have never had.  I feel like I am living in a Marriott hotel.  At the moment, all of this feels comical to me.  I wonder how long it will take before it feels like the new normal?

• There is a workout room and yoga room that is open 24/7 and I will probably never use it;
• Coffee is available in two locations all the time. I am never making coffee again which also means I am never suing my stove again because coffee was the only thing I ever made at my house;
• The pool is only open form Memorial Day to Labor Day but I can bring guests whenever I want;
• There is a concierge who makes restaurant suggestions to me and offers me 15% discount coupons;
• Occasionally, there are potluck dinners so we can get to know one another;
• The 2nd Thursday of the month, there is a Happy Hour event for us at one of the local bars;
• Boot Camp classes are offered on Saturday mornings.  What a dreadful way to spend the morning;
• A conference room and a business Center are available as needed but I don't need it;
• Continental breakfast is served every morning (M-F). I will have to set my alarm clock if I want to take advantage of this perk;
• I am in the middle of town and can walk everywhere. I am looking forward to exploring my neighborhoods;
• my balcony overlooks the pool;
• the trash receptacle is at the end of my hallway; no more trips to the county landfill for me;
• and I don't have to shovel my sidewalk, cut the grass, tend to the yard, etc, etc, etc;
• the underground parking space means I will never shovel snow off my car again;
• yesterday, I did not even use my car.  I don't remember the last time I went a whole day without using the car;
• there are lots of bars and restaurants in my neighborhood.  I wonder if I will become a regular at one of the bars;
• I'm looking forward to the first blizzard when we are all stuck here together.  Will it bring out the best or worse of each other? We will see.

The Yin and the Yang

The Yin and The Yang

I engage in too much self talk about my fears of becoming homeless.  I worry about running out of money even though I have run the numbers thousands of times and I know I will be ok.  I worry about those cold winter nights, when it snows and I fall asleep, on some park bench and am then covered in snow and can't be seen.

And then I snap out of this ridiculous monologue and move on to the yang of this yin.

I fantasize about selling every worldly possession of mine except my beat-up, old 2003 Honda Element which would be my home as I am traveling around the country, off the grid so no one can see me unless I want them to see me.

Getting It Done

Getting It Done
A Thank You Note From My Dad
1997

My father was task-oriented. He liked to get things done.  So it was no surprised to see that his thank-you note to me for his Christmas gift was written on Christmas.  It was probably mailed early in the morning the next day and on its way.  That man was predictable this way.

12/25/97

Dear Bridget,

Thank you for the CDs, the shirt and the pajamas.  I like Lawrence Welk and his show better when you can see the performers.  I think I like music I can understand and is either patriotic or sickening sweet. I was looking for a shirt like you gave me.  I intend also to take the PJ’s to London. I hope to see you there.

Last night, Christmas Evening, we had the Jim Kelly family, except Teresa who is in Alabama, Cindy & Brian and the Anderkos. On the previous Sunday Kathy & Jim & the family visited us.  Tonight, Tricia and Bill & your movie friends came over and we opened up their gifts and your gifts.

I am sure you are looking forward to 1998 with optimistic anticipation. You will so a great job and your many supporters will be vindicated.

Thanks for all your help with Jackie.

Lots of love,

Dad

Semester At Sea

Semester At Sea
Spring 1994


I took a sabbatical this year and I went on a trip around the world.  I enrolled in a Semester At Sea Program.  At that time, it was sponsored by the University of Pittsburg.  We were gone for 100 days. Half of this time, we are at sea and the other days, we were in port cities.  There were 450 students, 37 adult passengers and professors and staff from around the country. It was great fun and I would recommend this trip to anyone who can afford the cost and the time.  It's a lot of prepwork to be away from home for 100 days.

We visited:

Bahamas
Venezuela
Brazil
South Africa
Kenya
India
Malaysia
Japan
China
Hong Kong

FADING FAST

I am taking lots of photos and am zoned out in my own little world when my friend asks me, "Why are you only taking photos of dead things?  Here, take pictures of these flowers.  They're alive".

I looked around and sure enough, he was right.  I was only looking at those plants which were fading fast. I told him these flowers had great beauty in this final stage.  He didn't buy it.  I took a few photos to satisfy him and as he went back to the car, I went back to my flowers that were fading fast.