Marriage Hestitation

Marriage Hesitation

December 2019

University of Liberal Arts-Bangladesh (ULAB)

Dhaka, Bangladesh

We are stilling at a desk in a dank, small office on campus.  He is enrolled in my program.  I just met him yesterday.  He comes from money and lets you know it. He's unloved and lets you know that as well.  Out of nowhere he starts talking to me about the pressure he is feeling from his father.

"My father has given me two years to get married but I don't want to get married.  I find younger women to get on my nerves.  They are too immature".  He speaks as if he is talking about a business dealing with his father.

"Why don't you marry an older woman?", I ask, thinking this might be a better choice for him, even though I think he is gay and not able to admit it or accept it.

"No, no, no.  I can not do that", he tells as in a tone that lets me know that is a silly option.

"My options are people around my age but in this culture it is preferred that you marry someone younger.  For example my aunts were 8 and 9 when they got married.  They are in their 70s now and my uncles are in their late 80s. That's just how it is. Child brides."

He continues, "My father is now pressuring my cousins to pressure me.  They say, 'brother, when are you going to married? Uncle is pressuring us get you married'.   I told my father, 'Father,  I  like you but I do not love you but you are my father.  I gave you my criteria for a bride.  I am not interested in incest.  Go with the criteria and I will go with what you want,' I told him.   My cousin married my other cousin.  Their child had some complications at birth and he still has complications.  And my cousin, she was seeing someone else. So that is not good."

We are interrupted and the conversation changes. And much to my frustration, no matter how hard I try, I can not get him back on topic.