Squirrels

Squirrels
My Front Yard
Carpenter's Point, MD
Spring 2015


I was sitting on my chair in my front room when i looked outside and saw a squirrel emerge from a hole in my tree.  Then another squirrel popped his head out and another and another and another; five in total, all from this little hole. I was immediately concerned for a number of reasons: (1) I hate squirrels, they are sneaky and creepy, (2) they are destructive and eat through everything, (3) they are too close to my house; they may get inside and scare the shit out of me and I wouldn't know how to get them out. So I would just have to abandon my house and move elsewhere.

I found a big rock and decided to clog the opening.  But that caused me concern. What if there was another one in there and when i approached the hole, it charged out at me and bit me and infected me with rabies?  What if there were more in there and I suffocated them and they died and began to rot and smell up the neighborhood?  A bunch of dead bodies certainly could smell.  What if I trapped them in there and they panicked and dug their way through the tree and damaged the tree in the process?

So I decided to wait a few days and see if they moved on after a certain point.  But that worried me.  What if i came home at night in the dark and they come out of that hole at the same time and charged at me? What if those two damn feral cats who roam the neighborhood, and particularly my back yard, now catch some of those babies and leave dead baby squirrel bodies all over my year?

I hate squirrels.  They are a menace.

I monitored their movements for the next week.  I went out the back door and up the neighbor's driveway to get to my car. I chased the cats away whenever I saw them. I kept my eye on them.

Finally, it appeared as if they left the nest.  So I plugged up the hole with a rock and ran away.  When I felt that I was no longer in harm's way, I straighten myself up and returned to my house as if no incident was plaguing me.  I was in control once again.

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