Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Weddings



PERFORMING WEDDINGS



“I just can’t figure out why anyone would ask you to perform their wedding.  You aren’t married.  You don’t care about marriage and you don’t even have a license to perform a wedding. What’s the appeal,” my sister asks?

“You do weddings? ” My brother-in-law chimes in.

“Yes, she’s done a couple of them, can you believe it.”

“I didn’t know you had a license to do that”, Bill adds.

“I don’t. I am just officiate at the ceremony.  I have nothing to do with the legal stuff,“ I reply.

“But why?  Why you of all people”, she asks, not even trying to hide her disbelief.

“Because, some people want no sense of god in their service and they know they can count on me to deliver.  They want strictly a secular ceremony and lots of people have a hard time understanding this.”

“Then why don’t they just say that and get someone who doesn’t mention god. Get a judge or a justice of the peace or something,” she retorts in frustration.

“Because, if you are someone who has a sense of god, that is a really hard concept to understand”, I tell her with a little bit of frustration. “Look at Heather’s wedding, she didn’t want anything church related so she got a judge and that judge threw in a few references to god in the ceremony even though Heather didn’t want that.”

“Well, I guess so”, she admits with a slight tone of resignation.

“But wait, why wouldn’t someone want a reference to god in a wedding.  It is a sacrament after all”, Bill adds.

“That’s just her point, it isn’t a sacrament for everyone”, Trisha adds


“Really?”  He can’t believe what he is hearing.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Roaming the Street- Nicaragua


ROAMING THE STREETS

Nicaragua
Spring 2011

They don't go to school but they are too young to wrk.. Some of them panhandle but mostly they roam the streets.   They latch on to the tourists in hopes of a handout of some sort.  They are bored and there is very little hope of escaping poverty.  They just sit and pass time.







Sunday, February 14, 2016

Ronald Reagan Called The House

Ronald Reagan Called The House
Philadelphia, PA
June 19, 1983

We knew he was going to call. My father had been working diligently for months, years really, for this moment.  Ronald Regan was going call my father tomorrow with the news that Regan was going to nominate him to be a judge in the Federal Court.

So, the night before the appointed phone call, we got our directive.  There are several of us, sitting in the kitchen, having dinner. “Now, look,” he says, looking right at me, “I know not everyone here likes Ronald Regan, but that’s just too bad. This is the most important moment in my career.  And this is my house. So no joking around when he calls. It’s all business.”  He speaks with stern confidence but I know he is worried.  Anything could happen between now and when that phone call comes in.  There could be a national emergency or a political storm or some other unforeseen nuance that could derail this opportunity for my father.  He couldn’t control those things.  So he focuses on what he thought he could control: us.

“No funny business. No comments. He probably won’t call here.  He’ll probably call my office. But if someone from his office calls, just cooperate.  Be friendly and polite. And no one can use the phone all day.  If your friends call, tell them to call you on Wednesday.  Don’t call anyone and no hanging on the phone with anyone.  Leave the line open.  I think he is going to call at 10 but I can’t be sure”

He has a few more directives to give us but by now, he’s lost the crowd. Dessert is being served and we have moved on from the excitement of the announcement. But we all see how tightly wound he is at this moment.  Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day for my dad.

So the next day, he went off to work and shortly thereafter, the phone did ring.  It is my brother, Jim.  He had just become a father. Caitlin had just been born. My mother talks with him briefly but then they both remember that they couldn’t stay on the phone too long.  The 10 o’clock hour is approaching.

The appointed hour passed and the phone didn’t ring.  Then it was a little passed 11 and still no call. Finally, around noon, the phone did ring but we think and hope it is an update from the hospital so Patricia runs to answer in hopes of being able to talk to Jimmy for just a few minutes.

I’m in the living room with my mother and we are laughing about something but then we hear Patricia’s tone drop to a seriousness that startles all of us.

“Yes, of course, one moment please and I will get that information for you, “ we hear her saying and we know what’s up.

She puts the phone down and runs the very short distance into the living room, “It’s the president.  It’s the president and he’s looking for dad’s work number.  They don’t seem to have it. Where is it?”

Panic set in. My mother, Sharon and Patricia all run in different directions, each going to another phone in hopes of finding an address book that may have my dad’s current work number.

I wander in the den, right by the phone and I am looking at the receiver and the idea of picking up the phone and talking to the president enters my mind.  I wouldn’t say anything to him about his stupid comments on public education or his stupid ideas on how to fix the economy.  No, I thought to myself, I’d just tell him to tell my dad that he became a grandfather again today.  My comments would be light and friendly.

But then I stop myself. I remember that sometimes I think I am so funny and other people don’t think I am.  This is not the day to play with my dad’s emotions. So I walk away.  Patricia gets back on the phone and ends the call as quickly as possible. 


Ten minutes later, my dad calls, beaming with excitement.  We put the receiver down so that all of us can hear his conversation. His speech is rapid and emotional. He tells us Regan is going to nominate him to the US Senate to fill a position as a judge on the Federal Court.  So now, with that news, the moratorium on the phone is over.  We are allowed to use the phone again.  We immediately call Jimmy to see when we could come over to see the new baby.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

2015 Brewery of the Year

2015 Brewery of the Year


I love to go to a small craft brewery and try as many of their beers as I can.  This year, I got to several breweries and each of them had something great to offer but one brewery really stood out from the others.

I visited:

16 Miles- DE
Cannonball Creek Brewing Company- CO
DuClay’s- MD
Gordon Biersch Brewing Company- CA
Iron Hill- DE
Left Handed Brewery- CO
McKenzie’s- DE
Mountain Toad Brewery- CO
Ocean City Brewery- MD
Oskar Blues – CO
Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery- CA
Speak Easy – CA
Tired Hands- PA


When I was in Colorado, I spent the afternoon at the Left Handed Brewery.  I was with my friend who is a shameless Coors Lite drinker.  But I convinced her to try a few different beers.  The beer man heard our conversation and came over and joined us.  I loved this because I always want to talk to other beer people about beer.

He had three different milk porters on tap: a regular porter, a nitro and a cask style porter.  He explained the difference to us and then he gave us a sample of all three of these beers and then we just sat for another hour or so and talked to him and everyone else who came in after that.  The beer was great.  The conversation was fun and the whole experience was enjoyable.

 Left Handed Brewery wins my 2015 Brewery of the Year Award.



Friday, February 12, 2016

CUPPING

CUPPING

Henan Province, China
November 2015


She said it didn't hurt but I think she is a big liar.  That had to hurt like hell. She said I should try it because it has just great healing powers.  But I can't understand why anyone would burn herself for healing powers. I hope her back heals.

She and another student went to the health clinic and had this done for $2. The heat apparently sucks all forte impurities out of your system.

"It feels good", she assures me.  So I ask the other student, Belle, for her take. "OK, maybe a little bit. It hurt a little bit with the first one", she admits.

So  I ask, "Is it that the first one hurt a lot and the rest didn't hurt as much or did it not hurt after the first one"?

"Yea, yea", Belle tells me, "the first one hurt the most but they all hurt a little."

"You going to do it again?"

"No", she tells me, "no."


Thursday, February 11, 2016

FACIALS: China style

FACIALS: China Style
Henan Province, China
November 2015

I love to get a facial. So when I found a place near my apartment that offered $4 facials, I was one happy person. I usually went once a week, after all of my classes were finished and I could just sit back and relax.  The salon was right near the grocery store and it had a lot of foot traffic.  No appointment was necessary.  I could just walk in and sit down and surrender to the moment.  I usually went with a friend or two.  But once, I went by myself.  As usual, I feel asleep which is a bit of a problem for me because I snore. And I really snore loudly. So I woke myself up, only to find several people standing over me, watching my every move.



Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Christie- Shanghai, China

Christy

Shanghai, China
Spring 1994


We are walking on the Bund, along the river in Shanghai when a young woman approaches us.

"Hello, you speak English.  I study English. OK .I walk with you. OK."

As so it was that Christie spent the better part of five days, escorting us all over the city. Whatever plans she had just didn't matter anymore: she now had the opportunity to speak English with native speakers for the rest of the week and she considered herself to be so damn fortunate.  And we were really pleasured because none of us spoke a world of Chinese.

Sally, Jim, Suellen, Jessie and I are traveling together on a ship, going around the world.  We travel well with each other and often without any real plans for the day.  Mostly we wander and often have the good fortune to run into events and unique moments.  Today is no exception.  Christie shows us places we would not have found in the guidebooks.  As we walked she told us her story.

She is a high school senior, living with her mother and brother in an apartment building with hundreds of other people.  Her father died years ago so her family is poor.  She hopes to go to college one day but it won't be soon.  She doesn't have enough money to pay tuition and buy a bike so that she can get to school.  Both of these things cost about the same, about $40.

We are all stymied by this fact.  And she doesn't tell us to gain our sympathy but rather so that we do not think she is an academic slough. She tells us this as we are making our way through the Number One Friendship Shop, a store that caters to tourists. No one says anything at first because we are all filled with shame.  We have just dropped hundreds of dollars here to buy tons of junk that we don't need and this sweet young woman doesn't have a few bucks to get her to school.

We buy her a bike, a really good bike.  In hindsight, we were too American in our shopping.  We buy her  the most expensive bike, a 10 speed bike with lots of extras.  She can't believe her good fortune and she cries and cries and cries.

"This is the happiest day of my life", she sobs, with joy, as we place her and her bike in a cab and send her home.  She doesn't ride the bike home because the bike is too sophisticated for her skill level.  She is going to practice in her neighborhood before she hits the busy roads.

The next day, we disembark from the ship and she is standing there with her brother.  They came baring gifts from her mother.  We are embarrassed as we know this family does not have much. The gifts are all used but each gift was hand selected, based on our conversations we had with Christie yesterday.  There are abacuses and paintings.  I am giving the grandfather's Chairman Moa jacket that he wore during the Cultural Revolution.  We are embarrassed by her generosity but we accept the gifts.  Then she announces that her mother wants to serve us dinner tonight. Unfortunatley for the others, they all had theatre tickets for the evening.  But I didn't so I jumped on this chance to eat in a family's home.

Christie and her brother pick me up in the evening and we make our way to her home on the fourth floor of a bland cement building that looks like a run-down factory.  We climb up the dark steps that have no lights and make our way down a long hallway.  In the middle of the hallway is a singular, dull light bulb dangling from the ceiling.  Under the light for all to see is "the bike", displayed like an exhibit of the queen's jewels.

Christie's apartment is a cramped room that serves as a dining/living room and the brother's bedroom.  Christie and her mother share a bed in the next small room, almost a closet.  The kitchen is a communal area down the hallway.  And I find out later that the toilet is also down the hallway, unisex and without any partitions.  I went once and that was it for the evening. That was it.

An uncle and cousin have been invited to join us for dinner.  They traveled three hours by train to get here and they were invited to come because the cousin is learning English.  Her skills are nowhere near what Christie can speak so she is too intimidated to speak to me.

Our table is filled with an abundance of food, too much food for any family to consume at one time and certainly, too much of an expense for this poor family.  To add to the overabundance, neighbors are so curious about me that they wander over with something to offer in hopes that they can grab a look at the foreigner.

We start the meal with a big fish which lays nakedly on a large plate.  The head and tail are still in tact and the grandfather leans over, pulls out  the eyeball and offers it to me.  I AM REPULSED!!! And now I am in a panic because all eyes are on me as I am offered the prized part of the meal.  But I can't. I just can't eat that eyeball.  I will throw up.  As a matter of fact, I begin to feel a slight urge to vomit.  So I tell Christie that I can not eat the eyeball because of religious reasons.

"What.", she doesn't understand.

"Oh, I am so sorry but my religion does not allow me to eat it.  It's against my religion," I tell her unabashed, in a panic and desperate to put this kind gesture to rest so we can move on to other foods I may reject tonight.

"What is your religion" she asks?

"Ah, Catholic.  I'm a catholic and we can't eat eyeballs." I tell her with a conviction that I now actually believe.

"We are catholic and we can eat eyeballs." she retorts with some confusion.

"Yes, I know, but my sect doesn't allow it.  I can't eat it."

Christie does the translations and everyone laughs in disbelief.  So the grandfather eats the one eyeball and the uncle flips over the fish and eats the other eyeball.  Now we can all eat.  So the mother gestures for me to start and I do not know what to do as I don't see any plates.  I take a small bowl and help myself, awkwardly, to some of the food.  I have not mastered the art of chopsticks so picking up food and putting it in this small bowl is a challenge but I finally manage and the others pick up a bowl now and follow suit.  A few minutes later, the brother comes to the table and sits himself beside his mother.  He sees her using this small bowl and he laughs at her.  He gets an elbow to the ribs and it dawns on him that tonight, we are all going to eat from the sauce bowls just like the American.

Throughout the meal, neighbors bring in more and more food and it appears as if this stream of food will never ever end.  But finally, it does and now it is time for some entertainment.  The little girls on the floor have prepared a singing show.  They are all dressed up and a crowd stands around me, the doorway and down the hallway.

When the show finishes, the women get up and put on makeup and comb their hair and change their clothing.  It is time for photos with the American.  For the next 20 minutes, I am photographed in every combination of guests and neighbors.  I am at a celebrity status that I have never experienced before in my life. These people just couldn't get enough photos of me. That finally ends and I am now free to go back to my ship.  The uncle and the cousin have a train to catch and these people have to get to bed so that they can work extra, extra hard tomorrow to pay for this feast tonight.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Celebration Dances

I don't want to go back to any time in my life. But there certainly were moments that were so precious, that I would love to live them again and again and again. When my nieces and nephews were little, they were always excited to see me. It was a party when we got together. They could hardly wait to see me and I could hardly wait to see them.  But now that they are adults, they don't seem to do a celebration dance as much when they first see me.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Speedboats- New Zealand

I remember watching a television show about these speedboats that rip through the harbor in Auckland, New Zealand.  They travel at ridiculously dangerous speed and come right up to the edge of a dock or a bridge and do a hairpin turn just in the nick of time and all of the passages scream with fear and relief.

"What a ridiculous way to spend an afternoon.  It's so dangerous.  What idiot would do that", I blurted out to my mother who was watching the show with me.

"It's thrilling.  It's absolutely thrilling", she tells me, "Daddy didn't like it too much but I loved it.  You go so fast. It was great."

My parents had just returned from a trip to Australia and New Zealand.  My mother had just beaten cancer and they went on this trip to celebrate her new good health. And here she was, putting herself in harms way for a cheap thrill.  I didn't get it.

But 20 years later, I am now in Auckland and I see the damn speed boat, in the harbor,  and I am drawn to it. I am finding that I am drawn to everything here that may have had my mother's footprint on it.  Two years after her trip, the cancer got her.  This was the last time she was well and this was one of her last moments of exhilaration. So I decide to take the ride.

I HATED IT.  The second we left the dock I knew I made a big, big mistake.  I hate amusement park rides.  I have a serious motion sickness problem.  I have a fear of drowning. I hate cold water.  While others screamed and cheered and begged fro more hairpin turns, I gripped the bar in front  of me, closed my eyes and prayed that we ran out of gas right now.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Morphine and Meth







We just arrived home from his daily radiation treatment. It is obvious that he is in pain but he tries so hard to hide this fact from me. He wanders over to his medication stash on the kitchen counter.

"What day is it?" he asks in a befuddled tone.

"It's Friday", I tell him.

"And the time, what time is it?"

"It's one in the afternoon on Friday", I tell him calmly even though I am heartbroken to see him so disoriented.

"I am just so confused anymore", he admits with shame.

"Well, the morphine and the meth will do that to you," I tell him with a heavy heart.

"Yea, I guess it will",  he responds sadly.

Rick
Sloane Kettering Cancer Center
New Jersey
March 20, 2015

RIP Rick
 March 27, 2015

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Kayaking

I am a kayak kook.  I didn't start to kayak until I was about to turn fifty and i decided to learn to kayak in celebration of this big milestone.  I had another friend who was turning 60 and she wanted to learn as well.  Then there was a third friend who already knew how to kayak and she agreed to teach us.  But we laughed at her.  We told her that we didn't think she was trained enough to teach us every skill we needed to stay safe and not drown in rapid waves.

"It's so easy, KT told us annoyingly.  "All you fucking have to do is get int he damn thing and paddle.  There isn't much more than that."

but we would have none of this cavalier attitude about our safety.  We wanted a certified, trained instructor to teach us what to do.

We book a trip for a beautiful Saturday afternoon in September.  We are going to paddle for two miles down the Brandywine River.  We meet our instructor at the endpoint and he drives us up to our start point.

Now, remember, you end where I picked you up.  Just stop when you get there and someone will help you out of the kayak.  Get in.  I'll give you a little shove and you will be on your way," he tells us.  He speaks to us with such confidence in our skills that we don't let on that two out of three of us are scared shitless.

"And what about how we paddle?"I asked. "Are there any special techniques we should be using?"

"Oh, yea, just keep paddling and when you want to stop, put your paddle straight down in the water.  That should stop you. OK, see you in about two hours". And with that, he got back in his truck and we floated down the river.



Friday, February 5, 2016

Please Don't Get Me In Trouble

Please Don't Get Me In Trouble
McDonald's Resturant
North East, MD
Winter, 2016


I am sitting at McDonald's, drinking coffee and answering my email.  It's a cold, cold afternoon. It's snowing a little bit so I don't wander too far from my house. I'm here just to break up my routine a little bit.  I'll go home soon, to my warm house and hot tub and cold beer.

A woman approaches me.  She just left the rest room and is wiping her hands on her jeans. "Let me ask you something," she says as she interrupts my work. "Don't get me in trouble or nothing. You promise?"

I look at her but I don't get the jest of her statement.

"Do you have a few bucks or something.  I want to get some french fries," she begs.

"I don't have any money on me", which is the truth. I just came in with enough money for a cup of coffee so I wouldn't buy fries or a burger or anything else.

"Oh, you aren't going to get me in trouble for asking you, are you? Please don't get me in trouble," she begs as she walks away and huddles in a booth in a corner, trying to make herself invisible so she does have to step outside and into the snow.

To read more stories, check out:   bkmemoirs.blogspot.com
 or  bkmemoirs.wordpress.com