My Mom Is Gay

My Mom Is Gay

Atlanta, Georgia

September 2015

I sitting at a bar with a married couple that I don’t know that well. We got talking about our parents and Dan tells me, “My mom is gay. I’m sure of it. She never told me she was gay and I’m sure she is. She may not even be aware of it. She lived in an age when you just couldn’t be gay. She’s 83 now and she still has a lot of gay friends.  They are always over the house.  One couple just got married.”

“So you’re telling me your dad know she was gay. Was that part of their marriage,” I ask trying not to nosy but really intrigued by this statement.

 “No, no. my dad left when I was two. They were dating and then she got pregnant. I think they were 18 and he didn’t hang around too long. So he was never really in the picture. But my mom, she raised me and there were always lots and lots of women around the house. They were all single but they all hung together. My dad was not part of my life. Maybe I saw three or four times in my lifetime. When I was in my 20s, I try to make amends with him. But that just wasn’t happening. So really I was just raised by lots of women.

His wife chimes in, “that’s why he’s so great today. That’s why he gets women’s issues because he was surrounded by so many strong women. He grew up with so many women.”

 He continues, “I wish my mom could it acknowledge that she’s gay but she can’t. I never bring it up with her but I always just assumed my mom was a lesbian. She didn’t have to tell me that. I just knew.”

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I'm Into Men

I’m Into Men

Allentown, PADec 2015

We are sitting at the kitchen table. Jane is on one end and her daughter, Amanda, sits at the other end, working on her computer.  I am between them.  Their dog is bothering me.  He wants to check me out.  But he is wet and muddy and I don’t want to touch him.

“Jasper, over here.  Leave Bridget alone”, Jane commands.  The dog complies but he is still eyeing me up so I assume it will be just a matter of minutes before that cold, muddy nose pokes at my arm again.

“This dog is a pain in my ass”, Jane tells me.  “I only keep him because I have a mad crush on his vet. Dr. Carson is hot. What do you think Amanda? Do you think Dr. Carson is hot?”

“No”, she replies. Het tone is exaggerated with annoyance for being interrupted to answer such a mundane question.

“Really, why not,” Jane wants to know.

“Because I’m into men.  I’m not in to women,” she snaps back.

“You don’t think she is attractive. I think she’s beautiful.

“No, I just told you, I’m into men.”

Jane is now silent. She wanders off in her thoughts for a few seconds, bewildered at the differences in their views of the world.

Prom 2000- A Boost to the LGBT Community

Prom 2000
A Boost to the LGBT Community
May 2000

Prom season was approaching and as the new principal in the high school, I asked the senor class advisor for some insight into hot topics surrounding the prom.

“Every year, we get requests for students to come solo but we don’t allow it.  This is a couples only event”, he tells me inequitably.

“Why?” I want to know.

“Well, because we want to teach them how to behave in public on a date.  We have to teach them that. And if they don’t have a date, then we can’t teach them anything.”

“But what about the kids who are not ready to date yet?”

“They are 17 and 18, they should be ready by now.  They will just have to step it up and ask someone. It’s no big deal. They need to find a date just like everyone else” he states without thought or feeling.

At the time, my niece had just attended her prom.  She had just broken up with her boyfriend and wasn’t dating anyone and she didn’t want to ask just anyone.  She didn’t want to get stuck all night with someone she really didn’t know.  So she and a few of her friends went solo and had a great time.  I mentioned this to the class advisor and he responded, “But this is how we have always done it here at Springfield.”

I left him and went around and talked to a few of the seniors and sure enough, there were a few kids who wanted to go but didn’t want to bring dates.  So they resigned themselves to the fact that they were sadly left out.

A few days later, I went back to the class advisor and told him I had thought about our conversation and decided that kids could come to the prom without a date if they wanted.  We would establish a singles’ table and we would welcome every student to our prom. He was annoyed but complied and we had a full table of singles.

Two weeks after the prom, a boy stops in my office, late in the afternoon, after everyone was long gone for the day. He wants to show me his official prom photos.  He trembles a little bit and tells me, “I can never thank you enough.  It was my dream come true.  I had a great time at the prom.  I want to show you my pictures. I’m so proud of them.”

He hands me a stack of photos.  He is standing in front of the photographer’s backdrop, wearing his black tuxedo with a purple shirt and tie.  And so is the boy standing next to him.  They are holding hands and gazing lovingly at each other, in their matching colors. They came as a couple.

“I didn’t know how John and I were going to get to go to the prom together but when you announced the singles table, I thought, that’s it.  Now we can go to the prom.  We had a great time”.

He takes the stack of photos back and gingerly puts them in a folder. He dramatically clasps the folder next to his heart and then puts it in his backpack.  As he is leaving, he turns to me and says, “I’m so proud of our school.  Thank you so much.”

He marvels at the tolerance of the administration while I marvel at the tolerance of the student body.  I hadn’t thought that the solo table would open up options for the gay kids.  But more that that, I can’t believe that the football players didn’t beat this kid up.  I was proud of our school,