We Have A Monkey Problems
60th Birthday Trip
Ganges River
Varanasi, India
July 2015
Checking in to my hotel- Palace on Steps Guesthouse
"OK, Madame, welcome to
India. I will show you your room. But we have no AC in your room; we have fan
and a view of the river. But you must keep door closed at all times. We have
monkey problems."
**********
Today's tea- honey, lemon, ginger
tea, which I drank in the company of the monkeys. And by the way, I am the one
in the cage, not the monkeys.
***********
Yesterday, as I am sitting in my
caged restaurant, atop the Ganges River, someone leaves the door ajar. A
monkey sneaks in. I spot him and yell at him in my principal's voice. It does
startle him and I think it will be enough to intimidate him so that he will
leave. But before I could get up and around to table, he ran to the
refrigerator, opened the door with his right hand and grabbed a loaf of bread
with his left hand and he was out of there.
***********
A monkey snuck into my room this
morning. I was sitting on my bed, working on my computer and I saw
something whiz by my peripheral vision. Here he was, checking out my
things. He grabs two bars of soap, looks and me and darts out of the
room. I hope he eats the damn soap and gets sick. Now I will always
have to keep my doors closed.
**********
After that damn monkey violated
me yesterday, I went up to the cadged restaurant to grab a coke. Swinging from
the tree was a monkey with a green shirt dropped over his back like a cape. And
I thought to myself: It could have been worse.
**********
I sit at breakfast and watch a
monkey eat a biscuit someone gave him.
As he savors every morsel, another monkey sneaks up behind him and grabs
that biscuit so fast, the monkey didn’t know what hit him. The second monkey takes off in a flash and
the first monkey pursues him. I hear
screeching and yelps of pain. But the
second monkey returns, victorious in that he is still holding on to his stolen
prize. But I notice that he now has a
huge, gaping, bleeding wound on his upper hind leg. That first monkey literally chewed his ass
off.
**********
I sit on my bed, in my room and
hear a thunderous band against my balcony door.
It is a monkey. He is outside,
hanging by his fingertips on the door ledge.
With all of his force, he takes his feet and pushes into the door,
trying to break it so he can get in and steal my things.
I HATE THESE MONKEYS.
To read more stories, check out: bkmemoirs.blogspot.com
or bkmemoirs.wordpress.com
