I Don't Belong Anywhere

I Don’t Belong Anywhere

 Wilmington, DE

 July 2014

I am sitting on the back porch with friends, enjoying their company, a beer, and a beautiful summer evening. I am sitting with the men. The rest of the women are sitting at a table beside us. I listen in on the men’s conversation. They’re talking about football, baseball, soccer, basketball, golf, fantasy football, Giants vs the Jets and all other things that hold absolutely no interest to me. There is nothing that they are saying that causes me to want to jump into their conversation. It’s almost as if they are speaking a language different from mine. My attention drifts away from them and I lean over to the women’s table, curious to hear what is their conversation.

They are talking about cupcakes, lipstick, eyebrow tweezing, tan lines, fat hips, skinny hips, frizzy hair on a summer day, how many calories per glass of wine, new Coach bags, Bikini bathing suits and romance novels. I don’t ever talk about any of these things. None of them are my issues. They never have been. And they never will. I sigh to myself and lean back into my table conversation. The men are now talking about a homerun from 2013 that was so spectacular “it will go down in history”. And I think, "really, this is going to make history."

I sort of look back and forth, contemplating what I should say to engage in these conversation with my friends. My nephew is sitting at the end of the table and catches my dilemma. He laughs and shouts over to me, “you’re pathetic. You don’t fit in anywhere. Neither of these conversations interest you. You’ve nowhere to go”.

 He’s right.  I don’t belong anywhere.

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My Inheritance

My Inheritance

My parents and grandparents left me a lot more than just money. From my father I learned the value of saving money. He started us all on saving accounts when we were in first grade. He gave us an allowance and rewarded us for saving half of that allowance. When I graduate from college at the age of 22, he nagged to me to open a retirement account. “What are you waiting for,” he asked as I finish my first year of work. “you’re running out of time to save for your retirement”. At the time I thought his behavior was a bit obsessive but now I’m so damn grateful to him.

• My parents and grandparents all liked to travel around the world. They filled me with a wanderlust that is insatiable. In 1973 when I was 17, my parents sent me on a trip to Italy and I was never the same. I wanted to see the rest of the world.
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• My mother was an artist and she taught all of us how to use our hands in one way or another. At the age of 43 when she was pregnant with her youngest child, she insisted that all of us make him a gift. I made a needlepoint pillow of a baby lamb. Brian still has that pillow 46 years later.
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• My parents and grandparents were avid readers. I had trouble with reading. I’m dyslexic so reading was a real struggle for me as a kid. It still is a struggle but I don’t see it as this sign of a failure as I once did. Now I am an avid reader. And I have been exposed to thoughts and ideas that far exceed my experiences thanks to my reading.
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• I’m one of seven children. My parents taught us how to be respectful of each other and how to be friends. To this day we are all friends to each other enter each other’s spouses. That’s a real gift.
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• My parents always lived within their financial means. They never engaged in conspicuous consumption. My dad always bought a used American made car. He never saw the value in buying a brand-new car. Me too.
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•  “To thy own self be true”. This is a motto I heard from my father every single day of my life.
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•  When I was in high school and trying to debate my father over one of his ridiculous request of me, in my opinion, I would spew that life isn’t fair. And he would agree with me. But then he would go on and state the obvious. “Do you want to see how unfair life really is”, he would ask. “Let’s get in my car right now and drive to north section of Philadelphia. Let’s go find some young black girl who didn’t finish high school but as two babies and no husband and let’s ask her if life has been fair to her. You’re right Bridget; life isn’t fair. Don’t have any expectations that it is”. It’s pretty hard continue a silly, immature, self-righteous argument about unfairness after that statement is made.
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• Both of my grandfathers were educated. One grandmother started at a junior college after high school. Both of my parents graduated from college. Education was very important to my parents. They made sure all of us received a quality primary education. All of us attended a private academic high school. All of us were afforded the opportunity to attend a four-year college. All of us started college. Five of us finished. And then we either earned multiple Bachelor’s degrees or moved on to Masters and terminal degrees. Our parents taught us the value of education.
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• My mother was in charge of the household. She ran a tight ship. She had to. My father worked and worked and worked to support all of us. That left my mother alone to fend for every other aspect of raising us and taking care of the household. She taught us how to listen to authority, how to respect authority, and how to work together. She was in charge and she let us know that. Sometimes that offended us but in the long run, we developed thick skins and an appreciation for how difficult her job was.
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• In the course of his career my father was a lawyer, a Public Utilities Commissioner, a vice president of a large company, an adjunct professor and finally a federal judge. He taught us the value of work.
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• He worked very hard but he always had time for his family. When he was home with us he was engaged in our lives. And he and my mother purposely arranged outings to enrich our lives. We went to museums and plays and musicals and movies and shows and exhibits from around the world. We were exposed to music, dance, theater, and all sorts of worldly productions.

In the end, I have always had meaningful employment.  I  lived within my means.  I have traveled the world. I have strong relationships with my siblings and others.  I have a sense of self worth and appreciation. That’s really not a bad inheritance.

To read more stories, check out:   bkmemoirs.blogspot.com

 or  bkmemoirs.wordpress.com