The Typing Nun

The Typing Nun
Merion Mercy Academy
1970-1971


I would like to start out by saying that my behavior and that of several of my classmates were shameful and unforgivable.  When I was 15, I thought this was the funniest time in my life. That being said,  I would never treat anyone so disrespectfully now.  But I did back then and for that I am sorry.


She had to have been 75 years old or older.  She was small framed, wrinkled and not very attractive.  She was timid but kind.  She didn't deserve our treatment.  We were rude, vulgar and disrespectful. She was an easy target and we took advantage of that.

She taught typing to us, the 10th graders in this all-girl, private, Catholic high school in the suburbs of Philadelphia.  We were the students in the second roster, the slower tract.  Our classmates in the first roster studied Latin and we were given typing classes.  As the assistant principal once told me, "If you settle down and watch your behavior, you could be a secretary some day."

Sister Estelle came in every day with a 42 minute lesson plan of drills.  FFFFFHHHHDDDDJJJJ.  We typed nonstop and it was boring.

One day, one classmate asked if she could dictate a few sentences just to add a little variety to the lesson.  The nun agreed and Trish took center stage.

"OK, everyone, let's start", Trish said in her most serious voice, "Jane likes to play with John's big blue balls.  She likes to touch them."

We were speechless and then we just roared uproariously.  We just couldn't believe it.

"Settled down everyone, what's so funny about that." And then the  nun asked, "Did everyone get that.  Trisha, please repeat the statement."  And we laughed again and typed as fast as we could.

Trisha dictated another sentence, "John's balls are huge and Mary likes to play with them too."

We just couldn't believe it.  This went on for the rest of the class and most classes thereafter. It got to the point where we would run to this class because it was so damn entertaining. It was the only relief we had in our monotonous day.  Trisha dictated sentences about balls, hard bats, screws and screwing, dicks and every other  vulgarity she could use.  She delivers each line with a seriousness that was comical and when the nun reprimanded us for laughing, Trish would occasionally chime in and reinforce the nun, "You're right Sister, I don't know why everyone is laughing, I'm just talking about John's balls".

And the nun would suggest, "Rather than play with John's balls, why don't they play cards or something.  Why do they always have to play with his ball?"

Sometimes, the younger nuns would get wind of our shameful behaviors and they would lecture us and guilt us in to good behavior.  This tactic worked for a day or two but then we would ask if Trisha could dictate to us again and she would and we would roar with laughter and the nun wouldn't get it and we begged for more.

The year ended and we all signed up for Typing II and could hardly wait for the first class.  We were stunned to walk in and see a new, young teacher at the front of the classroom.  Our disappointment was overwhelming and our lack of skills became evident immediately.  After a year of typing, we could only type balls, dick, nuts, hole, hard, play, touch, kiss and just a few other words . It was a very long, boring year: ample punishment for the thoughtless year before.