Rude Awakenings
- v There is no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or Fairy Godmother.
- v Root Canal: really how bad can it be takes on a whole new meaning after the dentist starts to drill away.
- v I bought my house when the market was a seller’s market and sold it when it was a buyer’s market. I didn’t make the money I hoped to make. Investing in a house was not the sound investment I thought it would be.
- v One McDonald’s Big Mac exceeds my daily caloric limit.
- v Some of my friends harbor very ugly, hateful views that offend me.
- v A lot of people don’t think like me.
- v My mother became pregnant when I was in ninth grade. The thought of my parents having sex was just sickening to me.
- v One day, my mother told me that she was going to die soon. I didn’t want to hear this news. I was still holding on to the belief to some day very soon, there was going to be a cure discovered for uterine cancer and my mother would survive. But as I looked at her later in the day, I realized she was slipping away and it would only be a matter of time before she slipped away completely.
- v Mammograms: Men should have to have their nuts examined the same way. When I was hooked up to the machine for the first time and the nurse told me to relax, I wanted to punch her. I was in a panic.
- v I can no longer gallop down the front steps. I always have to have at least one foot on the ground at all times now. My days of skipping, hopping and jumping are over.
- v I am not funny after a few drinks; mostly I am obnoxious. And I can’t sing any better or dance any better after a few drinks as well.
- v That first day after Christmas was a killer when I finally had a big girl job and had to go to work on December 26. I didn’t think anyone worked on that day.
- v Tax day: yes, I still owe more fucking taxes even though I paid taxes every damn paycheck.
- v Photos of myself- God, I take a dreadful picture. Don’t I know how to smile naturally?
- v Deaths in my family; I never thought I would survive them.
- v Watching my grandfather rot away with lung cancer. He melted right before my eyes and became a lifeless shell of who he once was.
- v The fucking alarm every damn day of my life. It startles me and sends me in to a mild panic no matter what time it is set for.
- v I was 115 lbs. when I graduated from high school. Those days are gone and never, never coming back.
- v I now have to ask, “Would you say that again, please.” Maybe it’s time to consider a hearing aide.
- v Sometimes I hear my own laughter and am startled by how loud I can be.
- Trump was elected president of the USA.
- v As I travel the world, I hear comments about how awful our country can be to the rest of the world. The rest of the world thinks we are too violent.
- v Prior to Trump’s campaign, I thought there were thousands of bigots in our country. Now I see that there are millions of angry, bigoted people amongst us.
- v I was raised a Catholic and slowly, I thought about it and realized I didn’t believe anything I was taught about the Catholic Church. I had to stop thinking of myself as a Catholic.
- v Some times I feel like I am 27 or 42 or 50. But then I look at my hands and I am brought back to the reality of my old age.
- v The good guy doesn’t always win. Good deeds do not always get rewarded. Bad karma does not always follow bad deeds. Sometimes, the bad guy wins.
- v When I was 11, my friend told me about sex and I just couldn’t believe it. How disgusting!!!!!
