Saturday, March 23, 2024

January 6, 2021

January 6, 2021

My Soul Is Broken

Philadelphia, PA


10 AM- I had an appointment with a radiologist.  I needed to speak to him about my radiation prodocal which would start next week.  I have uterine cancer.  I had a radical hysterectomy in november and was now healed enough to begin radiation.  I was now healed enough to volunteer to come to the hospital for three weeks and burn in inside of my body. 

I have a 70% saturation of cancer cells embedded in the walls of my uterus. I will be receiving internal radiations. Radioactive pellets are going to infused in me. I have the potential  to be radioactive.

My mother died of uterine cancer in 1998.  She had the radical hysterectomy but no follow up. So two years later, the cancer was back and raging throughout her system.  And two years later, the cancer took her.  She never had a chance to beat it. With this thought in mind, I welcome this radiation treatment.

Noon: I had made arrangement to meet Sue and Tom at their house for lunch.  Coincidently, Tom also had cancer and he was receiving treatment at the same hospital and also had a doctor's appointment at 10.  So we decided to meet back at thier house for lunch and compare notes.  I hadn't seen much of them in these last few months becasue of covid so I was looking forward to lunch.

I got to the house first and parked a long the side of the house and waited for them to arrive.  I knew it wouldn't be a long wait.  And it wasn't.  Their big white SUV pulled in the the driveway and Sue popped out of the driver's seat.  She ran around and opened the door for Tom. He stumbled out with great effort and greater pain.  He seemed to have shrunk since the last time I saw him. He was barely recognizable.

We had lunch.  He didn't say much and after 20 minutes he asked me if I would mind if he excused himself and went up to bed.  He was exhausted. As he ascended the steps, I wanted to cry. I knew he was approaching the end and it was too painful to watch him melts away.

3:00 PM- I returned to my apartment and I have six or seven texts from friends.  They are distraught and want my opinion on the situation.  I am still thinking of Tom so I don't know what is the issue.  But then I turn on the news and am horrified to see the rioting at the US Capital Building.  Trump has staged an insurrection so he can stay in power.  People are chanting that they want to hang Mike Pence the US Vice President.  A few people are dead.  Police are injured.  Our legislators are in hiding and Trump is in the WH, watching all of it on his television. And the whole world is watching this ugly, ugly situation. I am filled with anger and embarrassment.

6:00 PM- I am filled with fear for our country. My soul feels broken. I feel nothing but bewilderment and great sadness.

No comments: