A Private Message

A Private Message

From a Former Student

April 11, 2021

HER:  Hi, Dr. Kelly.

This is going to be an odd message, and I apologize in advance if it brings you any sadness or grief.  A good friend of mine from college posted today about it being the anniversary of an event he experienced as a young man in Philadelphia that affected him profoundly.   He was there the night your brother died.  When I connected the dots and realized what he was talking about and told him I know you, Matt was floored.  But in the midst of being flabbergasted, he also asked that I let you know that he thinks of you and your family every year at this time, and how sorry he is for your loss.

I know there's little comfort to be found in any of it, but Matt's a really good guy.  I actually suspect the two of you would get along swimmingly...you have similar outlooks on a lot of things.  The universe is a profoundly weird place that, in all of its vastness, manages to be pretty damn small sometimes.  Just know that in it, there's someone who's holding you and your family in his thoughts and his heart, and is grateful that after all this time, that message can be passed along.

ME: What is Matt’s last name?

HER: Caltabiano.

ME: I don’t know that last name. Christopher’s friend posted something on FB today. I’ll see if Matt responded. I hate this day. How did you make the connection?

HER: I can only imagine the emotions this anniversary must stir up.  Matt just happened to be there with a friend he'd gone to a baseball game with - they stopped for a drink on the way home.  But it all happened right in front of him, and has created ripples and echoes ever since.

He mentioned your brother's name, which rang a bell, and then in response to someone else mentioned that Christopher was a judge's son.  That lit the lights to go with the bell.

ME: It must have been a traumatic moment for your friend.

HER: It was.  He was 19 or 20 at the time.  I do know it's stuck with him and profoundly affected him.  It really shook him when I told him I knew you - and he immediately asked if I would pass along his message.

ME: Thanks. I’ll tell my siblings. And thanks for passing this message on. It’s always nice to hear from you, even when the message is heart breaking.

HER: I honestly was very hesitant.  I remeber the impact this had on you, and I know that "Time heals all wounds" is bullshit.  But I know, too, that as much as things that remind us of our grief may absolutely suck, there's no way you weren't already thinking about Christopher, and that sometimes, knowing someone else is, too, no matter how coincidental the connection, can mitigate the hurt, even if only a little.  Sending my love to you and your family.

ME: Thanks. You are the best.