My Living Will
Maybe I talk about it too much. My sisters tell me I do. But I just want to
be very clear with my family on my expectations of my final days. I do not want any medical treatment to
prolong my death. I do not want cardiac resuscitation
or mechanical respiration. There will be no feeding tubes or an invasive form
of nutrition or hydration. I don’t want
any form of surgery or expensive diagnostic treatment. I don’t want kidney dialysis or
antibiotics. I only want lots of drugs
to relieve any pain I may suffer.
I am a single woman with no children. I worry a lot about those final days. Will I be alone? Will I suffer? And will some damn doctor keep me going
needlessly just to protect his practice against a potential liability suit from
my family? I don’t want to hang around
needlessly. When it is my time to go, let me go. I’ve had a good life and it’s ok to let go
and go home.
I am going to assess where I am at 70 and then again at 75
and there will be no 80. I don’t want to
live beyond 80, regardless of how great my health and mind are at the
time. I want to go out on top. I don’t want to sit back and slowly
deteriorate. Let me go!!!!
So I have asked my nephews to find some discrete way to slip
12 valiums in my beer when the time comes.
They are to make sure they leave no evidence behind that implicates
them. They laugh and tell me not to
worry. They will take care of me; they promise.
I remind them how much it will cost to keep me going needlessly.
“Right now, I have enough money to leave all of you a down
payment on a house. You keep me going
too long, the hospital gets all the money.
And you will be left with nothing but a down payment on a car. So you decide if those three extra months of
me laying there in a coma is worth it to you.”
My 12-year-old nephew is listening. I look at his innocent face and think that I
should stop this crazy talk. A kid
shouldn’t be listening to this type of chatter.
But then he chimes in, “Hey, can I get on this committee to make this
decision?” He is smug and laughing away at his boldness. And I think to myself, “Don’t turn your back
on this kid. He just might do you in
now.”
