The Times I MIss Her The Most

The Times I Miss Her The Most
My Mother
1927-1998
Philadelphia, PA

My mom died when I was 42.  She suffered from a long battle of cancer and finally, she surrounded and went quietly in to her new life.  Her death was peaceful but I still miss her, some days, more than others.  The times I miss her the most are:

• On her birthday.
• On my birthday.
• On Mother's Day.  She died the day before Mother's Day.
• When the lilacs are in bloom.  We had a big tree in our back yard and she cut twigs every night the tree was in bloom and placed them on our table.
• When the azalea bushes are in bloom. We had big bushes in our front yard and she looked forward to seeing them in bloom every year.
• Every time one of her grandchildren reach a particular milestone.  She would have loved those moments.
• When I pass a bowling alley.  She loved to bowl and frequently asked me to join her old-lady bowling league.  I tried to explain to her that I worked and lived two hours away from her.  But those were minor details in her mind.
• When I see her few remaining friends.  Most of them have died off but those who remain her still weep for her and that always breaks my heart.
• When I see a butterfly.  She loved butterflies.
• When I see the perfect gift for her in a store.  I still look for gifts for her.
• At the Philadelphia Craft Show.  I loved going to that show with her.
• On Thanksgiving.  She made great Thanksgiving dinners and after she died, my siblings and I split up for this celebration. Everyone went to their in-laws as the new default.

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Melting Ice

Melting Ice

Quebec, Canada

December 25, 2015

It's funny how I am drawn to things for no rhyme or reason.  We are walking on the street this day and I come across these piles of ice.  I think there had been an ice sculpture event a few days prior and this is all that remained of the event.  But I am drawn to that which remains and found myself wanting to stay and watch it melt.  How long would it take?  Would people come along and kick the ice and break it up? Would boys take the smaller pieces and start an ice ball fight?  How many people would slip on the ice before someone from the street department would intervene and get rid of the remaining ice debris.

More and more of these questions were popping up in my simpleton brain when Darcy called to me and said, "Come on, we're going to have a drink in the hotel."  And with this new plan, all of those silly questions vanished from my head.

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Life Is A Gift

Life Is A Gift
A letter from one of my Chinese students
World Academy for the Future of Woman
Sias University
Henan Province, China
2014

Carina sent this letter to several of us.  She had been my student two years ago when I was teaching in a leadership program at Sias.  Like her, sometimes I thought we were not giving the students enough academic skills.  But I marveled at how many soft skills we taught them.

Since this letter, Carina went on to graduate from Sias and then earn a Master's degree from a university in Manchester, England. She has really seen a lot, forming from her small corner in the world.

Life is a gift

I didn’t  realize life is a gift before. I am a normal person, have the normal family, own the normal characters. I was feared every day, I was afraid of expressing myself, I was afraid of going for something that I want, I was afraid of making mistake and getting failed. Life is kind of boring. I guess the god hated to see me wasting life like that, so that he gave me a chance to change, that’s why I become a member of World Academy.

 It’s a new and different start.  I began to face a lot of challenges, like standing up and speaking in the public, being working hard and thinking a lot, expressing myself, improve communicating skills, taking responsibility and so on. Now I have changed a lot one year later, the ability doing things, the communication sill, the team work awareness are much better and I am more confident. During this year, sometimes I felt scared and tired, I wanted to give up, I felt the Academy is not that perfect, I felt I didn’t learn many things from it. Now when I think about the life in the World Academy I am so glad that I make it, I find out I get a lot, even more than I think. Sometimes, it’s not only about what I have learned from the classes, it’s about what I have learned from these excellent facilitors. They have many good qualities. Like Jerrie, the founder of  the World Academy, she is a happy and energetic woman, everytime I see her I feel happy. She’s like never feels tired and always has something in her mind, and if she wants to do something, she will do it immediately. Joyce like a story mother, she likes telling story and she caring about us like a mother. She has a positive attitude toward life that belive life is full of miracles, everything can come true. Bredget is a powerful and funny woman, her loud voice and loud laughter impress people a lot,  she is also always trying to people, staying with her is a happy thing. Then I wanna say something about Shelly, I didn't stay with her and know about her that much,but I really admire her . 

These excellent people help me open my mind and step out my cave, that makes me to look at things in a different way. I begin to realize life is full of wonderful things, my family, my friends, they are priceless to me. Although there are unpleasant things, we can chose to treat it in a happy and positive way, because life is a gift, we should appreciate it.

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Dead, Dead, Dead

Dead, Dead, Dead

A conversation between my parents

Philadelphia

Saturday Night, 1996

While there were so many similarities that my parents shared, they differed somewhat on what they found to be entertaining. My dad loved to regale in the music of his good old days. My mother loved to keep current in all types and interest in the entertainment world.

This difference was most pronounced on Saturday nights in their home at 7 PM. That was when reruns of the Lawrence Welk show were aired. My father would inconspicuously turn on the TV and attempt to settle down and listen to the music that had soothed him for the last 50 years. Things would be fine until my mother, all in another room, would hear the familiar greeting from Lawrence Welk.

“Turn that off”, she went shout out to him, “remember I told you we can’t watch these shows from a hundred years ago. Watch something new that isn’t so depressing”.

“But it’s not depressing to me”, he would chime in, “I love this music”.

“Daddy”,  she would complain, “everyone there is dead, find something where everyone you listen to isn’t dead!”

 “They’re not all dead”, he would respond defensively.

And that comment would bring her charging into the living room, where she would walk up to the television and begin to point out,” Dead, dead, dead, dead and dead. They’re all dead. Stop watching dead people.” And with that he would laugh and she would change the channel.

A few years later, my mother died.  I went to visit my father on a Saturday night and he turned on Lawrence Welk.  We listened to the entire dreadful show and I thought to myself, “Where is that dead woman when I need her.”

Searching For Gold

Searching For Gold
Rehobeth Beach, DE
Summer 2015

I watched this man for three hours as he searched tirelessly for treasures. As his wand buzzed, he would bend down and pick up sand with his scooper.  He would sift the sand with great vigor and optimism. Mostly, he found nothing. In the course of the afternoon, he found a dime and a nickel.

Congressman John Lewis

Congressman John Lewis

CARE Conference

Washington, DC

May 2015

I was just a little too young to understand the complexities of the early 1960's Civil Rights Movement.  I am also white so there really wasn't an urgency in my community to understand, accept, agree and stand up.  It's taken my entire adult life to learn about the hardships and challenges of those who did stand up for justice.  John Lewis was one of these courageous people.  He got hit in the head with a baseball bat and came back again  the next day to stand up to the injustices of our country. I don't have that much courage.  I can run on the mouth about injustice but I don't have the courage to stand up and risk being physically abused in the process.  I hold Congressman Lewis in high esteem.

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Hot Dog Kiosk

Hot Dog Kiosk

King of Prussia Mall
King of Prussia, PA
1962- 1970


My parents had six kids in seven years.  And during that time, my dad worked full time and went to law school at night.  Then he opened a private practice after he graduated.  Both my parents worked hard and money was tight during these times.  But that didn't stop my parents from giving us an eclectic experience of cultures and outings.

During Easter break each year, my mother and grandparents took us to the King of Prussia mall for the day. We all piled in the station wagon and my mom talked about the little French restaurant where we would have lunch.

"It's just like they eat in Paris.  It's a little restaurant and we will get our food and sit outside just like they do in Paris.  It will be like a little picnic. It will be so much fun," she would tell us.

And it was fun even though it was just a little hot dog kiosk.  It did feel like we were in Paris even though several of us didn't know where Paris was.  But it felt special and it felt like we were eating in some distant land.

Once we started learning geography, the little hot dog stand didn't have as much appeal.  But as a 7 year old, it was fun to image that I was sitting on the Left Bank, just like the Parisians.

Floating On The North East River

Floating On The North East River

Carpenter's Point, MD

Summers

2006 to Present

Yup, this is how I spend many, many afternoons.  I grab my floatation chair, saunter down 20 yards to the beach and plop down for a relaxing afternoon of daydreaming, floating and watching birds.  Occasionally, a fish will nip at my rear end. A dragonfly might land on my arm.  Mostly mostly, nothing bothers me. And that's the way I like it.

It's really Cold Today

It's Really Cold Today

Sias University
Henan, China
April 16, 2012

The temperature is around 38F.  It was sleeting a little bit this morning. Now it’s just rainy and windy and miserable. It’s been like this for the last three days and it doesn't look as if it’s going to be warmer for another few days. To make matter worse, the heat was turned off on Monday.  Every building on campus has a cold, cold, damp  feel to it.  When I speak, even when I am inside, I can see my breath.  Last night, I had to wear my gloves and coat while I was teaching. I am miserable.

A Note From Emily

A Note From Emily
Rural China
Spring 2-14

I just heard from Emily, one of my Chinese students.  I worry about Emily.  She is a great worker with lots of potential but without a local mentor, someone to push her.  She still keeps in touch with those of us who worked with her in the WAFW.  But she has very limited access to us.  She doesn't come from a family that will push and promote her.  They would be content to let her marry a local farmer. So she is on her own to find her own way.

dear  briget 

,I am sorry to reply to you so late , i feel very happy that you tell me your life time , i was missing the time we spend in our campus, Now i have already worked about one and a half years ,  i had no much time to come back to SIAS though I miss it very much .  I am working on planing and trainning in Foxconn , but i didn't want to stay there all my life , the position is not good for my future life and my career so i decided to change another one when i stay here two years i determined to go to Shanghai to start a new job. 

     I tell Jerrie about that she said that i should worked what i really want  to do ,in my present work i can not use English as you know i like English very much if i am not always use it i will lose it , i can not imagine it ,so after i stay in Foxconn for two years i will try to find another job ,  I do not know how it going on but i just want to try and change it .

 I am appreciate about your words you said to me :Emily can do everything!

god bless you ! love you !                                              

 yours Emily

(When I read this note, I want to go back to China and rescue Emily from her mundane life)

Capturing The Moment

Northeast String Summit

Oregon

July 2016

I watched these photographers all day.  They took one photo after another. And from my point of view, nothing changed from moment to moment.  I wonder how many photos they took collectively during the course of the day.  I wonder how many were so similar that they couldn't distinguish one photo from the other. I wonder if any of these photographers captured a moment that will be a continuous source of pride for him. i wonder if any of them looked at his day's work and thought, "Look at all this shit I shot today."

I know I took a lot of photos from behind the stage and they were all deleted that night.

Dining With Kevin

Dining With Kevin
Springfield, PA


Kevin is a former high school student of mine.  A few years after he graduated from college, I hired him as a German teacher. Eventually, we became friend even thought there is a 25 year difference between us. We go out to dinner several times a year.

Kevin is a large man.  He is tall, maybe 6'7" and massive in body structure.  I am short and squatly.  He towers over me.  I have to stand on my tippy-toes to hug him.  HIs skin is a deep, dark black.  I am lily white, pastey-looking.

Kevin usually likes to go to Red Lobster, a restaurant in our area that predominately caters to our African American community.  I usually get to the restaurant first and am offered a table, tucked away in the corner.  Kevin arrives five or ten minutes later and saunters right up to my table and embraces me.  People stare at us, this odd couple. And I wonder, do they thinks:

1- How did that old woman snag that young man?
2- What's that white woman doing with that black man?
3- Why is that young man get stuck with that old bitch?
4- Does she have money?  Is that why he's with her?
5- How did they get together?
6- What up wif dat couple?

They all look puzzled but it does not appear to me as if anyone is thinking, "Look, two friends having dinner together."

Making Lunch

Making Lunch For Us

Tanzania

February 2016

We were visiting a family in the early afternoon. Our host had just given birth to triplets and was exhausted with all of the work around all of this baby care. We were there about two hours and I thought we should leave soon so this mother could get back to all of her responsibilities. Additionally, I was getting hungry and looking forward to cutting our visit short to go and get something to eat.  There was a fragrant whiff of cooked chicken coming from a neighbor's home and this smell just teased me. I wanted to leave. But I was pleasantly surprised to learn that this woman took it upon herself to make us a meal in gratitude for visiting her community.