This Tree- October 17
20. The Wind- October 22- Long Beach Island- it had rained the day before but on this day, the sun was attempting to peek through the clouds and warm us up. But that just wasn't happening It was so damn windy that I had to use all of my body force just to open my car door and get out of my car. I thought I was going to lose and be slammed to pieces as the door fell victim to these gale force winds.
21- Night of Terror- October 25- Eastern State Pentitanary- I usually don't like horror but this night was fun. It was dark. the fog machine gave off an inoffensive smelled. The strobe lights made me a little dizzy. The path was hard to see. And the actors, dressed as zombies, witches, corpses, butchers, psychos and everything else, scared the shit out of me.
22- Erroneous Assumptions- Nov 2- I am in the headquarters of our Democrat Club. An old man walks in and it is easy to stereotype him as an old fart Republican. "Do you have a Hillary yard sign?" he asked. I had been told not to give out any more yard signs so I told him, "No." "That's too bad because I want all my neighbors to see that I voted for Hillary. I'm a Republican and I can't vote for that man. I can't vote for any man who brags about assaulting women. I want my neighbors to see my sign." I just wanted to grab him and hug him. Instead, I thanked him and gave him a lawn sign.
23- Voting For Her- November 5- what a thrilling moment.
24- She Lost- November 8- I was devastated. It felt like a death. I felt raped.
25- My Hot Tub Stopped Working- November 16- FUCK, I love my hot tub. I go in it twice a day or more and it was working yesterday and it's not working today and I can't fix. Now I have to stoop so low as to call for the help of the stupid service person. Damn, I hate when I can't solve my own problems.
26- When Did I Get All Those Tickets?- November 16- I went to renew my EZ Pass subscription and the woman asked me if I knew about my three tickets and two fines which started out as $3 fines but now I owe over $100. Damn.
27- He's Gone- November 18- I went to visit my brother and his family. Jameson, his son, joined the Army since the last time I saw them. It was hard to walk in the house because I just knew I would miss him so much. I looked for him all weekend. I waited to hear his voice. But he is away in boot camp and his absence was deafening to me.
28- She Looks Good- December 1- Darcy is in the late stage of cancer and every day is a struggle for her. We, her friends, are now taking turns and spending the night with her so that she has some company and some distractions. When I see her, I think she looks good. Then it dawns me that her existence centers around napping and taking medicine and finding ways to elevate her pain. This is no quality of life and who cares how she looks.
29-We Are All Hurting- December 5- I am in a coffee shop and a woman engages me in a conversation. One thing leads to another and we start taking about the election. Everything she says resonates with me. She feels alienated and worried and sadness. She feels just like me.
30- Is He A Kid Or The Teacher- December 7- I am sitting into library at 3PM, the usual time that the kids from the local middle school come in and invade my space. They are loud, silly and so grateful to be finished with school. They aren't disruptive but they aren't interested in anything the library has to offer other than a warm place to hang with their friends. A kid asks me if he could sit at my table and, of course, i let him. I listen in on his conversation and it dawns me that he is a teachers. He isn't a kid. I'm just an old lady who sees anyone under the age of 50 to be a kid.
31- Damn, It's Snowing- December 9- It's around midnight and we are driving home from dinner in town. All of the sudden, something white is swirling around in t he wind. It takes me a second to figure out what this is and then I realize, damn, it's snowing.
32-Misjudging Me- December 19- I am returning a piece of electronic equipment at Target's The sales clerk interrupts me and tells me I am including something that does not go with the return. "Are you returning this for your grand daughter or daughter or something? Cause this don't go with the ear phones." She is referring to the USB cord. Her comment about my family throw me off. "I don't have a daughter or granddaughter so I don't know what that is all about," I tell her. Then it dawns on me that she thinks I am too damn old to understand anything about electronics. She thinks my granddaughter just handled me this package and sent me back to the store with the assignment to get her money back. Now I am going to play with this women a little bit. "For your information, I am tech savvy and this cord does go with these ear phones and you just think I am too damn old to know this, don't you." She apologizes, we laugh and I get my money back.
33-Where Are They- The Emergency Shelter- December 22-I am spending the night at the Homeless Shelter. I haven't been here in a year. No one looks familiar to be. These are all new homeless people. Where are the homeless form last year? Did they find homes? Are they in jail? Did they die? What happened to them?
34- It's A Miracle- December 28- I had dinner tonight with my friend John who has stage 4 cancer. He was put on a new drug this month and the cancerous tumors are evaporating form his leg. He had gained six pounds and his affect is dramatically different. It's a miracle.
35- Kevin Got Engaged- December 29.
36-Snow Geese- Bombay Hook Refuge- December 31- there were thousands and thousands of them just sitting on the water.
37- Bald Eagle- My backyard- January 4- I am in my hot tub, looking up at all the activity in the sky. There are Canada geese flying by; sparrows zip by. But there is a shadow on the ground as the Bald Eagle soars just 20 feet above me. I stare at him and watch his movement because I know this massive animal could swoop down on me and kill me in a few painful moments.
38- Reuniting With My Chinese Students- Washington, DC- January 19- Gloria, Carina and Monday came to DC for the events of the day. It was wonderful to see Gloria and Carina after five years. They blossomed in to beautiful, self-assured, hard working women. I love my Chinese students.
39- Trump's Inaugural Celebration on the Mall- Washington, DC- January 19- It was eerie, dull and sad. Few people were there and it felt as if they were there in obligation rather than celebration.
40- The Women's March- Washington. DC- January 21- OMG, the day was joyful, hopeful and comforting. It was wonderful to be surrounded by thousands and thousands of people who left relief to be with so many people who felt hopeful and validated.
41- Trump's Muslim Ban- rally at the PHL airport- January 29-I marched in Washington, DC last week in the Women's March and that moment was joyful, hopeful and filled with good will. It was a high. After 10 dreadful weeks after our disastrous election, I finally found my voice again. I was surrounded by like-minded people who said, "ENOUGH, we aren't going to take it anymore." But then just a week later, the idiot passes a ban on immigration for some people from certain countries. So I find myself at the Philadelphia airport, along with 5,000 other people, to protest yet again. But this time, it was different. There was no joy here today. I only felt fear. Unlike the Women's March, which was dominated by black and white women, I saw men and women of every race, color, country, religion, ethic group. I spoke to citizens whose families could be or would be affected by this ban. I saw a large Jewish presence which shoveled a message. of the hateful Hitler and the Holocaust, in our faces. I saw an America that I did not recognize.
42- I fell- February 8- I tripped over something and fell right on my face. I was stunned, not because I fell but because I didn't hurt myself and I got right up and moved on. I didn't even hurt myself.
43- Riding the train across the country- February 12-15. I picked the train up in Baltimore, MD and went all the way to Emeryville, CA.
44- Mud Bath- Calistago, CA- February 17.
45- Women's Rally- Annapolis, MD- February 21- I am at a state rally and our legislators are talking about what is being discussed right now: $15 minimum wage, equal pay, women's rights in rape situations. The list goes on and on and I am stunned because I live in a progressive state. If we are behind by so much, how are other women in other states treated?
46- A dog bite me- February 25
47- A near collusion-March 2- We are on a dogsled in Alaska. The dogs run through a narrow passageway. Suddenly, a dog sled approaches us from the opposite way. They are quickly approaching us and it looks as if we might collide. Without any instructions from either mushers, the two lead dogs compensate for the crowded course. Our dog vies to the right and runs alone the slope of the passage and the other dog makes the same compensation and we pass as if we are two trains in the night.
48- A New Car- March 10- I am driving my beat up, old car. It has 244,811 miles on it and I am hoping to make 250,000 miles before I even consider getting a newer car. But there is a new, disturbing sound coming form the engine. It sounds like a throbbing pump of some sort. So that's it. I am now afraid to drive this old car. It's time for a new car.
49- I met Jimmy Carter- March 26, in Plains, GA
50-I signed a lease to move in to a new apartment in West Chester, PA- April 4
51- A wind storm that may have been a tornado touched down. a shopping cart smashed in to the rear end of my car. Trash cans, posts, signs and all sort of debris sweled around the parking lot and I was afraid to get out of my car.- April 6
53- Bombarded- April 9- I am driving on Route 95S at 65 miles an hour. I am in the middle lane and something loud zips right by me. It is a guy on a motorcycle. He must have been traveling at 85 miles or more because he just came out of nowhere and passed me. And then another bike passed me and another and another. It was unnerving and I wanted to move over but was too afraid to change lanes for fear that one of them might be passing me on the right. So I held my position. A few seconds later, two more bikes ripped pass me. I couldn't relax until I saw them all take the next exit and I was now confident to move over to the old lady, slow lane.
54- The butterflies returned today- April 18- They gathered around my lilac tree and fluttered thought my yard and I was happy to see them again after the long winter.
55- Wild dreams- May 11- we just returned from a hospice visit to say goodbye to Darcy. Our emotions were raw and we were filled with sorrow. I am staying at a friend's house. Sue gives me half of a pot cookie. "Here, this will help you sleep. We all need a little help tonight." So I eat my potion and go to bed. In the middle of the night, i have such a wild dream that it wakes me up and I hear myself shouting out "WOW." I am stunned and for a moment, I don't know where I am. I am startled and the dream was so real, I touch my thigh and feel where the runaway subway train rammed in to me. I am almost feel a slight throbbing pain.
56- "She's Gone Home, It's OK."- May 13- the text I received from Doug the moment Darcy, his mother, my friend of 30 years, died.
57-Hamm Beer- May 26- It was on sale for only $9.99 for a 30 pack. I contemplated buying it for a friend who was celebrating his 22nd birthday. I figured he could take it to a college party and no one would complain about the taste. At that age, beer is beer. So I put the case in my cart and moved on to the craft beer section. But as I pulled up to the register, I turned around and put the beer back. I just couldn't do it. No one should drink beer that only cost $9.99 for 24 beers.
58- Darcy's Memorial Service- May 27- I've been Darcy's friend for so long that I thought I knew all of her asshole buddy friends. At some point in 30 years, I met them all. Or so I thought. There were so many people at her service who were her friends. They weren't friends of her children or her husband or her brother. They were her friends and they, like me, were filled with grief. And to think, I viewed myself as her BFF. I was wrong.
59- I moved- June 15- I moved in to a luxury apartment building and it seems comical to me. It feels like I am living in a Marriott hotel.
60- Coming Home- June 19- After living in my new apartment for just four days, I came back to my old house. I haven't put it on the market yet as I am undecided as to how quickly I want to sell it. But as I opened the door and got a whiff of that familiar musty smell and saw all my discarded junk scattered on the floor, I thought to myself, "I'm done with this place."
61- At The Pool- June 26- It is a beautiful day. It's Sunday and everyone in my new apartment building is at the pool. Everyone is happy. There is no shortage of alcoholic beverages. The grills are fired up and burgers, hot dogs and ribs are cooking away. The whiff of these meats filter in to my apartment. I look around and everyone is so damn happy. The moment is joyful and I am so glad I made the decision to move.
