Puffins

Puffins

Middlebrook, Virginia

Fall 2010

I love to watch birds. I’ve traveled the world in search of birds. In 2004 I went to Maine just to see puffins. When I mentioned this to my brother and his three boys, they laughed uproariously. They could not believe I would put this much effort in finding what they thought was a stupid bird. I told them I thought they were stupid. And so, the war began.

They claimed they had puffins in their backyard which we all know it was bullshit. They found the cereal named Puffin which they ate whenever I came to visit. They claimed they went on puffin hunts all the time and kill these birds all the time. And I explained they were idiots. This bantering goes on for several years.

One morning while I was visiting my brother and still in bed, Jameson comes into my room to wake me. “Bridget”, he tells me all excited, “I’m not making this up. You have to get up right this minute. There’re all these puffins in our backyard. I’m not joking Bridget. I’m not kidding this time. You have to see this. There’re actual puffins in our backyard”. I tell him to leave me alone. It’s too damn early for his adolescence humor. Then Gus charges in, “oh my gosh have you seen this? Who did this? Bridget look! there’re puffins in our yard”.

I still ignore them. And even when Clay comes in to tell me about the puffins, I don’t take the bait. So, Jameson calls to his dad, “Dad did you do this? Did you put the puffins there?”

It isn’t until my sister-in-law, Cindy, the only voice of reason in this family, shouts out, “Brian what have you done now” that I decide to roll out of bed and investigate the situation. And sure enough, on a slope behind the house are 30 cardboard cut-outs of puffins that someone has staked into the ground. I know it’s Brian immediately because this is his type of humor. And I know he Is sitting downstairs at the kitchen table so smug and so proud of himself for pulling off this joke. The boys are laughing hysterically. This is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen and they charge out to the yard and begin to pull up the puffins and bring them into the house. I try to pretend but I haven’t seen the puffins. But that is hard to do because they have now invaded the kitchen. Cindy tells Brian to grow up but we all know that is never going to happen. And quite frankly I hope it doesn’t because I thought it was a pretty funny joke.