Ship Bottom Brewery
Beach Haven, NJ
October 2016
I love to go to microbreweries. I love trying out all the
different beers. There are now so many breweries that the brew masters have to
go the extra mile to deliver a new taste. So it’s always fun for me to find out
what that new taste is. I recently went to the Ship Bottom Brewery. It was a
crowded fall Saturday afternoon. No one was on the beach. But it appeared as if
everybody was in this brewery.
We were greeted at
the door by a young woman who welcomed us. “Have you been here before”, she
asked.
“No. I didn’t even know existed. I was so happy to see your
sign. I love to come new breweries,” I
tell her probably with too much excitement.
“Well great! Let me
give you a tour of our brewery,” she said in her sweet little voice.
“Oh no, no, no. That’s okay. That’s okay,” I told her. “I don’t need a tour. I don’t care how you
make it, I just like beers,” I laughed as I protest.
“Well, I have to give
you a tour”, she responded apologetically. “it won’t take long”, she assured
me.
“Oh don’t tell me the damn state makes you do this,” I ask
her.
“Yeah, yeah everybody here for the first time has to have a
tour”. She said and then she started pointed to the large bags of ingredients
in the corner.
My two friends, while they speak English, are German and
really couldn’t hear our conversation so they had a private conversation while
this young woman quickly ran through the obligatory talk about how beer is
made.
“Fascinating,” I told her with too much noxious annoyance.
And then I asked her “doesn’t it annoy you that the state makes this ridiculous
mandate. What a waste of your time. You should be pouring beers”.
“Oh no, I agree with that,” she told me. “We should do more
than just pouring beers. There should be an educational component so you know
the process” she responded with her obligatory answer.
I wanted to tell her I don’t give a flying fuck how you make
your beers. That’s your job. I just want to drink beer. But I didn’t. I resigned to my punishment and listened as
she finished up with a few more facts that I couldn’t hear because the place
was too crowded and loud.
The tour was over. I was now allowed to order beer. But I
couldn’t ask any questions because the new group of customers was coming. And
she started to talk with them. As she spoke to them, she interrupted her talk
and shouted to me, “what are you having? Have you decided?” She poured my beer
as she pointed to the 50 pound bags of hops and then quickly took their order.
But then another group came in. She started her spirited speech all over again.
And I made a mental note to go on Yelp and tell everybody to lie the first time
they come to the Ship Bottom Brewery so they too don’t have to listen to the
tour. This is just my small part to help my fellow countrymen.
