Dogs
I don’t like dogs and that’s hard to say because it makes
dog owners so defensive. But I just don’t like them. I don’t like to be in
their presence. I don’t like to be touched by them. I don’t find them to be good
company. I don’t know why I have this aversion to dogs and it baffles my dog
friends. But so what.
I don’t like to touch them. I don’t like the tactile
sensation of their skin. It’s just physically creepy to me. And when I touch a
dog, I can feel this sensation on my fingertips until I wash my hands. But even
then I still have their smell on my fingers. I don’t like their hot breath. I
hate when the dog sits near me and breathes on my leg. I don’t like its wet, runny
nose and when the dog touches me with its wet nose, that sends an electrical
charge of discomfort that radiates in my entire body. I know that sounds over
dramatic but it’s really true. I hate to be touched by dogs.
I get frightened by dogs who are territorial. Once they
start to growl at me, I surrender all my confidence and move into defensive
mode, assuming they’re going to attack me and eat me to death. When I passed a
dog on the leash and it begins to yup at me and the owner says “Don’t worry
he’s a friendly dog”, it takes everything out of me not to shout back “Oh shut
the fuck up, you don’t know what this dog could do to me”.
I’m not even going to mention dog hair, dog vomit and
cleaning up after your dog. They’re all gross body functions that don’t
interest me so I won’t even go there.
I don’t like to be licked by a dog. I don’t like that wet
residue that lingers on my legs or my hand. When dog starts coming at me I do
everything I can to send the vibration to leave me alone.
My brother had two dogs over the last 25 years and I liked
those dogs. And my sister had a dog that
I liked. Although, I have to confess
that Petey used to hump me. My sister would laugh and tell me, "He’s just happy to see you.” These were smaller dogs and they didn’t invade my space. And
they didn’t lick me or growl at me. They
mostly left me alone. That must be the
key: I’d like dogs if they just left me
alone.
