It's Funny How Your Thinking Changes

It’s Funny How Your Thinking Changes

Touchstone Art Center

Farmington, PA

September, 2015

We are sitting at a table, having lunch, a group of strangers who have come together to take a weekend class.  Our conversations are general in topic, mostly about our families. One woman laments about her son, “We lost Matt four years ago on April 14, 2011. He was 24. It’s still so hard.”

She goes on to tell us that he had several physical disabilities and was autistic. “He was a big guy, 6”2” and 280 pounds.  He would grab hold of me and squeeze me and tell me, ‘I love you Mommy’ and then sometimes he’d let go of me and just smack me and nearly knock me over. One day, he came home from his day care and he went up to his room to play. He played with Barbie dolls but all of his dolls were headless and naked.  He was upstairs and I head this thud so I ran up and found him having a grand mal seizure and I thought to myself, ‘now we have to worry about epilepsy’ “.

The ambulance came and got him and he lasted three days.  When the doctors showed me his cat scan, I knew immediately that he was brain dead.  But I didn’t tell my husband.  I just couldn’t.  I let the doctors tell him the truth. So after three days, we just kept him comfortable and then he  died.”  She takes in a breath and her mind wanders off to her sadness.  We are all quiet and I am just about to ask her if she feels any comfort now in knowing that he isn’t suffering anymore, he isn’t dealing with seizures. But she exhales and continues, “and today, I would give anything to be with him and dealing with his seizures.  It’s that funny how your thinking can change.”