A BEER KOOK

When Did I Become a Beer Kook?

Someone recently asked me when did I become a beer kook.  I told him it all started in 1969.  I was in 9^th grade at an all-girls catholic private school right outside Philadelphia. We were having a sleep over in the gym and one classmate smuggled in two beers to the event.  Several of us huddled together in the locker room and clandestinely downed the beers.  I am sure we all only had a few sips each but each of us with honor and pride, and foolishness bragged about how loaded we were.

I’ve been a beer drinker ever since. But I don’t think that is when I became a beer kook.  I think that all started in 1984.  I was at Penn State.  Like everyone else, I was on a healthy diet of Rolling Rock, Molson and Schultz.  And then one day, one of my favorite bars, Zeno's, started this completion called Around the World in 80 Beers.  

The gist of the competition centered round consuming much more expensive beer.  So for those of us who got sucked in to the event, we had to drink 80 different beers from different countries.  We were given a passport and every time I drank a new beer, it was noted in my passport. Once I completed the 80 beer requirement, my name was engraved on a brass plaque which was then nailed up on the wall for everyone to see.  It was a completion of pride and I might add that I am the only one in my group of friends to have competed the challenge.

It was expensive.  When other beers were 50 cents apiece, these beers were $2 and sometimes $3.  That was an outrageous price back then.  And then there was always the problem that new beers were not coming in fast enough for me to find something new.  I think the challenge took me three years and that was probably the time when I became a beer kook.  I never went back to regular beer again.  And I am always interested in trying a new beer.

So now, I finished the challenge and it was time for me to put my name on the wall.  Most people were giving bogus names and nicknames but not me.  I had just finished my doctorate around that same time.  So unabashed and shamelessly, I wrote out Dr. Bridget E. Kelly and that is what was engraved on my plaque.  I remember the bartender saying, “Wow, our first doctor to finish and you finished under my watch.  Thanks.” I nodded in pride and appreciation.

Shortly thereafter, I left Penn State and got a job as a high school principal.  I forgot about my plaque.  Then one day, five years later, a former student come back to high school, just to see me.  “I saw it” he tells me, sort of clandestinely.  I don’t know what he is talking about, “Saw what?” I asked.  “Your name, on the wall at Zeno’s” he whispered.

 “Shit. “ I forgot about that damn thing.  The next weekend, I drive 3 hours to the bar and attempt to take the plaque down with my car keys. The bartender comes over and starts to yell, “Hey, hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”  I tell him that I want my plaque.  He tells me that it isn’t my plaque and I can’t take it down.  He tells me that I am still the only doctor on the wall and my name gets lots of comments.  “The plaque stays”, he tells me adamantly, somewhat rudely.  I tell him the story about my student. And I am sure this will convince him that the plaque has to come down now.

 “Sweet”, he says, “That just makes the story even better.”

The plaque is still up there.  And recently my brother in- law, also a Penn Stater, is back at Zeno’s and he is talking to the young waitress.  “Do you still have the Around the Word in 80 Beers Challenge, he asks her.

“Nay, we haven’t done that for years”, she says.

”Well”, he tells her sort of braggingly, "my sister -in -law is on the wall”.

“I can do you one better” said the waitress, confidently.   She looks him right in the eye and announces, “My high school principal is on the wall.”

My brother-in law can hardly contain himself.  “That’s my sister- in-law.

In unison, they both shout, “Dr. Bridget E. Kelly.”