Cross Your Heart

"Cross Your Heart

Hope to Fart"
My Gross Nephews
2002-2005

My brother had three kids and they were all boys.  I was a lot older than them and out of touch with little boy, silly behavior.  Every time they passed each other, they grabbed, poked, tripped,  and threw things at each other. They tease, torment and ridicule each other.  They wouldn't tell the truth to each other if their lives depended on it.

They never give me a straight answer.  They drove me crazy. Everything out of their mouths was stupid and unbelievable.  So I had to think of a way to reward them for telling the truth. When they made a stupid statement, I asked them, "Cross your heart, hope to fart?"  If they were telling the truth and could prove it, they were eligible to fart freely, without comments or complaints from me.  If they agreed to cross their hear and hope to fart, but did, in fact lie, then their brothers were allowed to fart on them.

I know, I know.  This is gross.  But it did work for a couple of years but I had to put this challenge to rest when they entered middle school as I couldn't trust that they would ever stop farting. 

Fall

Fall

Likes and Dislikes

There is so much to love about the Fall.

• Pumpkin ale is released in mid- September and I love the moment I see it available at the bars. Sometimes I buy ten different bottles and have a Best of Pumpkin Ale contest.
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• The fall foliage is beautiful and humbles me every year.  I just love to take long rides to the mountains during the fall.
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• I don't have to cut my lawn anymore in the fall. I love when I make the commitment to put the lawn mower away for the season.
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• I love the moment when I have to put a sweater on at night. I love to wear sweaters.
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• The beach is most beautiful in the fall.  The crowds have stopped coming for the summer so it isn't as crowded but the weather is still cooperation.
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• Penn State Football- enough said.
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• It isn't so damn hot.
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• As an educator, I always loved the start of a new school year.  It always brought hope and promise. But truthfully, after the first week, all that hope and promise went to hell and it felt as if we never had a three month break.
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• I can still kayak in the fall as it is not too cold yet.
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• I have to rake fallen leaves.  Sometimes I enjoyed this task.  Other times, I hated it.  But I love the smell of burning leaves.
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• My family's home used to be on the migration trail of the monarch butterfly.  My mother would say goodbye to every butterfly that crossed her path.
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• The Fall has the winter looming over it and as the days get shorter and the weather gets colder, I wallow in sadness over  the the fact that it will be 4 months before I can put my flip flops back on.

Spring

Spring

Likes and Dislikes

• Spring is a rebirth for me. After being locked up inside to avoid the cold, I love the liberation of going outside and roaming the street again.
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• I love the moment when I notice my perennials beginning to surface from the ground.
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• St Patrick's Day is my favorite day of the year. I wish every day could be March 17.
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• I love the moment when I realize that it is 6PM and it is still light outside.
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• I love the smell of lilacs.
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• I would hold off as long as possible to avoid cutting the lawn.  once i started, i had to cut the lawn every damn week.
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• Rita's Water Ice opens on the first day of spring and they give out a free cup of water ice.  I've never gotten one because it seems as if people start lining up for this moment by 6 AM and the line doesn't die down until they close that day.
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• My grade school had a Mother's Day pageant every year and one 8th grade girl was named May Queen.  I always wanted to be the May Queen but that didn't happen.  But my sister-in-law as a May Queen.
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• Sometimes we have a snow storm in March or April and that throws me off.

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• I always had a week off from work for spring break.. i would book a flight to a state i had not visited yet.  Id go to the capital city, rent a car and just drive all over the state fro the next four days.
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• Restaurants, in my area,  open up their outdoor cafe tables.  I love to eat outside.
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• My mother gave birth on Mother's Day and she died on Mother's Day weekend.
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• I love putting my winter clothes away.
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• When I kayak for the first time after a long winter, I vow to go out at least twice a week and that never happens.
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• For 20 years, I read JD Salinger's book, Raise High The Roof Beam Carpenter, in the spring.  I was around 19 when I first read this book  and I think I read it every year until I was about 40.  I don't know why I read this book so often.  But I loved this story.
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• On Easter Sunday, my family would often go to the beach for a sunrise Mass.  It was always beautiful even if the sunrise was spectacular that year.  
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• On Good Friday, while other Catholics stayed hime and prayed together as a family, my parents took us to the Italian Market in Philly and we wandered around the market and went to a Jewish winery and drank wine samples and had a great day on this somber day.  When we returned to school on the following Monday, my parents mandated that we not tell the nuns that we didn't stay home.
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• My mother had the most beautiful azaleas bushes in our front yard. As a kid, I thought they stayed in bloom all summer.  It wast until I had my own home and my own azaleas bushes that I realized that I only had the beauty of these bushes for a week or two.  
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• Most years, I have great intentions to go to Washington, DC for the Cherry Blossom celebrations and that has never happened.

Summer

SUMMER

·      Flip flops- I love flip flops.  I wish I could wear them all year long.  They offer me a freedom and when I have to go back to my shoes in the fall, I just want to cry.  They are so restraining.

·      I don’t wear shorts.  No matter how hot it gets, it is never warm enough for me to wear shorts.

·      Rita’s Water Ice- they only make one kind of sugar free ice and they always cause a brain freeze but it love that ice cold sensation on my tongue.

·      Sitting on the beach and just day dreaming.  I don’t go in the water anymore.  That stopped when I was 35 and had to be pulled out of a riptide in the ocean.

·      The pool opens up at my apartment.  I do down there around5 PM when the sun is not as intense and everyone else has gone back to their apartment to freshen up for an evening on the town.

·      Fourth of July brings specular fireworks.

·      I don’t wear shorts or sleeveless blouses because my skin is too fair and it just burns in the sun.

·      I don’t use air conditioning which is a constant surprise to everyone.

·      When I was a kid, we went to the movies every Tuesday night during the summer.

·      I went to summer school a lot as a kid.

·      I graduated from college in the summer.  I took a semester off and had to back up my time during a summer session and I loved it.

·      When I was working, I took a big trip each summer for 3 or more weeks.  That was great fun.

·      Corn on the cob, tomato sandwiches and grilled hotdogs were my summer foods.

·      We have a family holiday, Root beer Day, on August 5.  Every year, we drink a root beer in honor of each other.

·      I kayak mostly during the summer.

·      I love my garden, and in the summer, it is bursting from every inch of the yard.  I overdo it every year.  I have mostly perennials but I do plant some annuals and I fall in love with every damn plant.

·      My sister got married in July at my parents’ house at the beach and it was great fun.

·      My parents had a home on Long Beach Island and I spent my summers there in college and then every weekend as an adult.

·      I love the long days of the summer.

·      And I love waking up to the sun that been up for a couple of hours before me.

·      When I go swimming, I cover up; I wear a long sleeve shirt and a hat and sunglasses.  I do everything to protect me from the sun.  I don’t wear sun screen because it gets in my eyes and burns.

·      My birthday is in July and for some reason, people let me celebrate this event for a week.  It falls near July 4^th and everyone is off and up for a reason to drink beer with me.

·      There was often a big crowd at the beach house on weekends and I loved these moments. Sometimes there were 15 of us in the house.

·      My uncle owned at hotel at the beach.  We would go there on Sunday mornings and take over his little café and we would stay there for hours as he prepared blueberry pancakes and mirmosas.  We loved those moments.  One year, we went there and he had turned the café in to a laundry room.  We were devastated.

·      My nephew, Jameson, was born in July.  He was the first grandson to be born after my mother died.  And it broke my heart that my mother would never know him. And he would never know her.

·      I worked at Howard’s Seafood Take Out Restaurant in Beach Haven. They made French Fried Lobster which was delicious.

·      I worked at the Crust and Crumb Bakery in Beach Haven. Sometimes we called it the Crust and Crud Bakery.

·      I worked at Hartman’s Amusement Park in Beach Haven.  And those men were pigs who were vulgar to women.

·      I was a high school principal and one of my schools started before Labor Day and the other school started after Labor Day.  Schools should always start after Labor Day.  Summer isn’t over until Labor Day.

Winter

Winter

Likes and Dislikes

• I love a blizzard, just one per winter.  I love being stuck in a house with a wall of snow outside. I love the silence of the night as all of us are home and off the roads.
• I hate shoveling the snow and scrapping the snow and ice off my car.
• I love snow days.
• I kept my house at 57F.  I only increased the temperature if my hands got cold.  I hate cold hands.
• I have tons of scarves that I wear all winter and in to the spring.
• I sleep more during the winter than any other season.
• I used to love to go sledding after it snowed but now I am too damn old to do that.
• I went to Iceland in December once to see the Northern Lights and to see what it was like to be in 24 hours of darkness.
• I drink more porters and stouts during this time. i also like winter ales that are released at this time.
• The Women's March is in January and I have attended every one of them so far.
• I like to spend a weekend at the beach in cold weather.
• I have lots of winter hates but I don't wear any of them, not even my two mink hats.
• I hate Christmas.
• I like to put Jameson's Whiskey in my eggnog.
• New Year's Eve is overrated.
• I am becoming more of a professional football fan and the Super Bowl is more interesting to me over the last couple of years.
• I've participated in Christmas Bird Counts in San Francisco, the Chesapeake Bay, York, PA and Bermuda.
• I like to go to old row home neighborhoods and look at their Christmas decorations.
• My grandparents were married on December 25.  My sister was married on December 27.  My parents were married on December 29. Two of my nephews were born in December.
• When I worked, I always traveled during the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve.
• I spent a New Year's Eve in Bermuda, London, Greece, Belize, Nepal, Galopogas, Chinatown, California, and other places.
• I have leather mittens. They are my favorite mittens.
• I have too many boots.
• When it is cold, I drink honey whiskey.

Thoughts on Bangladesh

Thoughts on Bangladesh

November 24- December 31, 2019

ULAB

World Academy for the Future of Women

Dhaka, Bangladesh

I am here for five weeks to teach global leadership skills to women at the University of Liberal Arts-Bangladesh. 

• There are 80 students in our program. 
•  The program if off to a rough start as students aren't showing up as they have previously committed to do.  
• Only 30 are showing up on a regular basis.
• There is a man in the  program and he is cooking for me.  Yesterday he made me chicken dumplings.  I hope he makes them for me every day.
• He wears tuxedo type suits every day.  I would love to go to his house and take a peak in his closet.
• Traffic is a mess and there is too much horn honking at all hours of the night.
• I have never seen such banged up public transportation buses.  They look as if they have been in junk car derby races.
• I am told not to take the public buses as women are raped in the crowded buses.
• Most of my students are Muslim.
• A parent of a former student from Philadelphia contacted me last month to see if we could get together while she is also here visiting.  She emailed me today to say she is too damn tired to get together.  The traffic is wearing her down.
• She also told me that Bangladesh will fill me with despair and disappointment.
• My apartment is adequate. It is the university guest house.
• A man picks me up every day and takes me to campus.
• I am missing Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years because of this trip.  I am avoiding the most stressful time of the year in the USA.  I feel lucky.
• The women are soft spoken. I can't hear them.
• Many people speak in both Bengali and English in the same sentence.
• I visited a college campus and students were throwing darts at a life size portrait of Trump.
• I know nothing about Bangladesh politics.
• They gained freedom from Pakistan in 1971 and I don't remember it at all. I just remember the George Harrison album that raised money for the famine at this time.
• In 1974, the entire Royal Family was murdered and this horrific incident doesn't ring a bell with me.  I would have been a sophomore in college.
• I loved my visit to Paman City, an ancient, deserted city from centuries ago.
• I have off for Christmas Day which is a surprise since the christian population is about 5%.
• There is loud, constant construction going on right outside my apartment.  They start at 7AM and finish at 9 PM. Some moments, it's maddening.  The entire apartment building vibrates.

Margaret and Howard

Margaret and Howard
Albany, NY
1955- 2000 ( this is how long I knew them).


They were my great aunt and uncle; Margaret was my grandmother's sister. Both had been married to other people before they met. Divorce and remarriage were unheard of in the 1930's.

• They lived in a tiny house in Albany and lived frugally and had plenty of money. They had just two forks, two knives and two spoons.
• They never had children.
• They always considered my mother to be a little girl.
• They traveled around the world.
• They lived in India for a few years and that seemed to be the highlight of their time together.
• They used to be heavy smokers but gave up smoking at some time in their lives.  But they never put away the big ashtrays on a stand in their living room.
• They loved to play bridge and other card games.
• They always had a cat.
• Howard worked fro a paper company.  So he would bring us a full case fo paper every year.  We never had to buy paper.  I think I could find some of that paper now in my apartment.
• Howard was a gadget guy.
• Margaret was always a beauty.  She practiced yoga for years and stayed flexible up until her death.
• Howard liked to fix our things whenever he came to visit.  My mother would put together a list of tasks for him and he would work a few hours each day and then settle down and have a drink or two.
• They really liked to drink.
• They would come to our house for Thanksgiving Weekend and they would show up with a whole box of liquor: a gallon of wine or port, a fifth of whiskey, tonic waters, club soda and mixers.
• They had Citizen Band (CB) radios. His radio name was Apple Jack and hers was Apple Blossom.
• When Howard was only 5, his father took his brother and went out for a pack of cigarettes.  The two of them never returned. And Howard never heard from them again. Maybe 75 years later, Howard met a child of his brother who said the father never got over the guilt of his awful deed.
• Howard died first. Then my mom died next and Margaret was lost as she felt as if she had no family left.  And two years later, she died.

South Dakota

South Dakota

Custer National Park

August 2012

I've only been here once but I really enjoyed it.  I went with KT with the intention of visiting Mount Rushmore.  I always wanted to see this monument.  And I have to confess, I was underwhelmed.  It was nice but it was not a spectacular monument.

But I did love the Custer National Park which was where we camped.  There was a road where the buffalo roamed, particularly at sunset.  So we would drive our car there as the sun was going down and just wait for the herds of bison to meander pass us.

One night, the car window was down and a bison started walking quickly towards us.  We couldn't get that window up fast enough.

One day we drove through the Badlands and I was filled with amazement to think that explorers made their way through this terrain with nothing more than hope that there was better land ahead.  That was a journey of optimism.

We also traced some of the journey of Lewis and Clark and the Oregon Wagon Trail.  Again, a journey of optimism and tenacity.

I don't feel a need to go back here.  But I would recommend that everyone visit this beautiful state.

Breakthroughs

Breakthroughs

World Academy for the Future of Women

ULAB

Dakha, Bangladesh

December 26, 2019

I was in Bangladesh, teaching leadership skills to college women.  We were holding a forum with three successful women.  The moment was wonderful.  I had picked one of my students to be the moderator of the program and she exceeded my expectations.  Here is what she postd the next day on Facebook:

There's a point in your life when you realize everything you have worked for results in a greater accomplishment. When you don't believe in yourself, you think everything is falling apart when in truth, it's only creating a much diverse stage for you to fathom in.

I had the utmost previlege and honor to host WAFW's open forum "Speaking Up" and it is beyond words. A surrel request and the boost in confidence I gathered thanks to my facilitator Bridget E Kelly for believing in me. Never would I have ever imagined to get an opportunity like this. I could not have asked for more than what I truly worked so hard for.

To future endeavors and breakthroughs, for this momentum to continue.

Thank you everyone for being a part of yesterdays forum.

#AchievementUnlocked🔓

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49You, Sumiya Santa, Tiasha Tabassum and 46 others

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  Sumiya Santa You did really well❤.
  I'm so proud of you❤❤

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  Noor Ul Huda You were amazing. I am very proud of you Nusu ❤️

I'd Like to Thank All Those Who Got Me Here Tonight.

I'd Like to Thank All Those Who Got Me Here Tonight.

I heard this during a movie.  The main character was thanking those people who stood with him during his tough battle with sobriety. That got me thinking about all the people who helped me along the way.  There are a lot of people on this list and I wonder why I am so lucky to have so many people to thank.

• My parents- they taught me everything.
• My grandparents- Ida and Jack taught me the value of travel, how to play cards for hours and how to love my family.
• My siblings- they still tolerate me after all of these years.
• My in-laws- all of my siblings married well and they have been a big plus to the chaos of my family.
• My friends- they have been pillars of strengths and lots of laughs.
• My students- I think there are 10,000 of them.  They filled my life with purpose, fulfillment and joy.
• Mrs Jordan- my Social Studies teacher from high school.  She had such an enthusiasm for the rest of the world.
• Dr. Baker- my professor in my Master's Program in Educational Counseling @ PSU.
• Mrs. Sterns from Brandywine College- she was the first person to tell me that I was intelligent.
• F. Scott Fitzgerald- I didn't enjoy reading until I began to read his works and then I became an avid reader.
• Dr. Lewis-The doctor who did my vocal cord surgery in 1981.  I didn't have cancer.
• Dr. Souser- she preformed my breast reduction surgery in 2010 and the results of that surgery dramatically improved the quality fo my life.
• Joe O'brien- he hired me to be the Principal of Springfield High School, PA
• Sal Illuzzi- he hired me to be the Vice Principal of Stroudsburg High School, PA.  At that time, no one was hiring women for this position.
• Scottie Nesbit- he was my boss at Jenkintown High School.  I liked how he treated me and had faith in me.
• Jerrie Uberle, the CEO of World Academy for the Future of Women. I have been a facilitator for the WAFW on four different occasion and they have been wonderful times.
• Holly Born- she was a teacher who lost a child and hide this information from me until I needed her in my grief and she stepped up and helped me mourn.
• Maureen Nesley- she pulled me through my deep sorrow and found a grief group for me.  She took me there and sat with me as I cried my eyes out.
• The Overbrook for the Blind School staff and students- I grew up across the street from his school and I watched their struggles and residency for years and they taught be to persist.
• My Girl Scout leaders- I loved being a girl scout.
• My Overbrook Community- I grew up in Overbrook in the 1960s and 1970s.  That was a great time to live in this family focused neighborhood.  I have a strong sense of belonging and commitment to community.
• The Penn State Community- I have all three of my degrees from PSU and am forever gratefully for the education I received there.
• Joni Mitchell- I fall back on her music in good times and tough times.
• The Caner Patients- driving these strangers to their treatment has taught me how to be humble in a crisis.  May I have as much grace in my time of need.
• The people of Haiti- HFI and FLI-  the people I met worked for free in their attempt to improve their country. They taught their neighbors to speak English so that they could be more employable.  Many times, they didn't have enough money for a meal on any given day.