Who Are We?

Who Are We?

Tanzania 

Februar 2016

It was a hot, Friday evening and we were walking in to town for dinner.  At first we didn't notice but then became so obvious. With every person passing by us, they stopped and looked in disbelief.  They wanted to know where did these white women come from and where were they going.

The Best of America

The Best of America

Black Lives Matter

Philadelphia PA

July 2016

I am on Broad Street in Philadelphia coming home from an afternoon lecture at the Democratic National Committee. It is hot. The city is crowded. I’m tired. And there is a noticeable tension in the air. The streets are lined with police officers. The city is filled with protesters and convention people and people who live in Philadelphia who are trying to avoid both of these two outsider groups.

I see reporters setting up their cameras and tripods. They’re waiting for something. A story is about to break. I look off into the distance and seeing flashing police lights that are coming closer to me. I ask reporter what is about to happen.

 “The Black Lives Matters protesters are here. They’re going to come down the street in a few minutes”, he tells me without any real interest. He’s just doing his job.

 I find a place to stand so that I am in the middle of this moment. A woman stops me and asked if I think she has enough time to get her car and get out of here. I speak to her with the tone of authority but no fact. “Yes hurry up,” I tell her. “You’ve a few more minutes before you won’t be able to get out of here”. She runs to her car.

I see white men walking down the street, muttering their disgust at the thought of this demonstration coming down Broad Street. Police cars are purposely blocking intersections so that the protesters don’t have to stop. As the protest gets closer more people on the streets stop to watch.

I see now a full flight of police cars in front of me. They are followed by 50 police officers on bicycle. And then the protesters March behind them. Maybe there are 150 protesters, not much more than that. But their anger fills the air. They are shouting and spewing hatred for the police.

“No Justice

No peace

Take to the streets,

Fuck the police”.

They chant this over and over and over and over again. They carry signs. They have large photos of dead black man. They raise their fists in protest. Their voices are loud and powerful. Their anger exhausts me, saddens me.

As they move away from me, I noticed another 50 or more police behind them. There are mixed reactions from the crowd as the protesters pass. Some people cheer them. Others boo them. Cops on the side stand rigidly and ready to jump in as needed.

I am overwhelmed by the beauty of this moment. Here we are in a country where our citizens are so angry with the police that they are protesting with all of their heart and soul. They speak with so much anger that you can’t help but feel for them. Yet they are being protected by the same people to whom they are directing their anger. I see this moment as one of the greatest moments of democracy in our country. If we were in China or Russia or other places with dictatorships, these protesters would’ve been arrested, jailed or killed. But in America we have First Amendment Rights of Freedom of Speech and this protest showed me loud and clear why America is great.

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Deb and Lisa's Wedding

Deb and Lisa’s Big Ass Wedding

At Last

Smith Playground

Fairmount Park

Philadelphia PA

June 4, 2016

When I first heard that marriage equality was now legal in Pennsylvania I thought of Deb and Lisa immediately.  After 20 years of being together they could now get married. I remember being delighted by this thought and then my emotions turned negative. Why weren’t these two allowed to get married 20 years ago? Why was their lifestyle rejected by so many people in our country? And who were we to have judge so harshly, to have interfered so profoundly with the authenticity of Deb and Lisa’s life together.

These two women are upstanding citizen. They are gainfully employed. They pay taxes every year. They enrich the lives of children as primary school educators. They have never been arrested. They have never even had a parking ticket. They have volunteered in their communities. They help their neighbors. They vote. They have donated generously to charitable organizations. They loved each other and they raised a daughter together. This has been their life, their family the last 20 years. But they have had to live quietly without any legal protection and in judgment by others. All of a sudden, all of this realization just be me so damn mad.

So when I meet up with Deb, maybe a month later, I jump on her and immediately insisted that she should take the lead and get married as soon as possible in Pennsylvania. it was so important for me to get her to step up for equality. My overwhelming enthusiasm and insistence intimidated her. As she greeted me I jumped all over her with my mandate. She stepped back and hemmed and hawed.

“Well I’m not sure”, she muttered in between my rants. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s really necessary after all these years. What would it approve now? I just don’t know”. She was defensive and really didn’t want to explain her thoughts to me. I backed away.

When I got home that night after a moment of reflect, I realized I was asking too much of Deb. While her marriage would now be legal, that didn’t necessarily mean everyone would be accepting of this opportunity. Getting married now would still be a big emotional risk for Deb and Lisa. I was forgetting that one huge point. I decided I wouldn’t mention it again.

Three years later Deb tells me she and Lisa are now ready to get married. They were now at the point where they could stand in front of all of their family and friends and say yes we are a couple.

Wedding invitations went out. The venue was booked.  Food was ordered. I was asked to officiate the marriage ceremony.  Speakers were picked. And about 120 people showed up to celebrate this big event. Deb spoke to the crowd and told them that she and Lisa had decided that they were not going to get married until they could be as authentic as possible. They would not marry until they could carry themselves as a married couple to everyone. She acknowledged that she had thought about getting married earlier but would’ve had only a small group of her friends with with her, only those who offer her a safe harbor. But she said she was not going to get married if she couldn’t stand before all of us and be completely genuine. The crowd cheered. Deb and Lisa cried a little bit and then we cheered again. It was a great moment.

This wedding was so different from any other wedding I’ve ever attended. At the other wedding, it’s just been assumed that the couple could marry and live as they chose.  But this wedding screamed AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!  At last we can be authentic, at last we can be open in our love and joy for each other, at last we don’t have to hide, we don’t have to play it safe anymore.  There was a very freeing moment and the relief was palatable. The moment was so uplifting that I was grateful Deb and Lisa waited until they reached this comfortable point of great joy.